Titan

Falling and Recovery

"There's evil and then there's Evil..."

His grandfather's words echoed in Eric's mind as he was jolted back into himself in the present. Tim and Nancy were exactly where Eric had left them, standing over his bed. They wore looks of concern that faded.

Did they know I was gone?

Eric looked down at the "book" in his hands; the cool, thin tendrils of liquid metal withdrew back into it. He thought the tome was throbbing, but his parents didn't seem to notice. The ache and the pain he had felt before was diminished.

"What did you see?" Tim asked.

Eric took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "Let's just say I believe."

The book filled Eric's brain with information. He now knew things that he did not know before he touched the object. There were bits and pieces of memories that were fragmented and mixed in with his own. He was overwhelmed with the new information and sensations. It was maddening. He knew information was there, but he could not process it.

Eric was released from the hospital early the next afternoon. His color had returned. There was less pain and he didn't feel warm anymore. He felt better than he ever had. He stood tall and he felt full. All of the gaps that opened up inside of him over the course of his life felt filled in. Echoes of the past needled him still and whispered doubt in his ear, but he felt rejuvenated. Maybe the book had healed him. He enjoyed a deep and restorative sleep where whatever dreams he had were not accessible from his conscious mind. He knew he had dreams, but he didn't remember them.

Tim drove his work van back home while Eric rode with Nancy. She was different. Normally a ball of nerves, tense, and carrying a lot in her expression, Nancy was now introspective. The edge in her voice had lessened.

"I dreamed about Sarah last night, Mom," Eric said.

Nancy smiled, "I did too. She was beautiful and walking."

"It helped me remember something about the day she died," Eric said. The dream was at once vivid and in the next instant the details became worn and hazy. He remembered the warmth, though. Soothing and smooth like unconditional love. The only kind Eric believed Sarah had been capable of. "This thing that's happened to me. I don't understand it. Not yet, but I believe what Dad said. I've seen and experienced things now. But on that day, when I hugged Sarah good-bye, it always seemed strange to me how warm she was. I know you don't just turn stone cold, but this was different. I think Sarah gave this to me. Like she knew it was important."

Nancy's eyes sparkled with tears but not sadness. "The way she loved us... it's not meant to happen that way. It was too pure. I sometimes think about it and I know why it happened when it did. She just couldn't go on loving us. It was too much. Her heart burst."

She looked at Eric then, her eyes meeting his. "And she loved you most of all. I'm her mother. I'm selfish and I want to think that she loved me most. That's just because I was with her day and night. I want to know she felt for me what I did for her. But it was you. When you were just a chubby little bald-headed baby she used to watch you so carefully. You remember her eyes. They saw everything. It was like she knew you were special, that she needed to take care of you." Her words came slowly through tears. "Because she was your big sister and that's what she was supposed to do. All of that torture they put her through be damned... she did it anyway."

Eric felt warmth crawling up the back of his eyes. But he couldn't completely let go of the shell he had built. He bit the tears back. "I know, Mom."

"No," Nancy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I didn't know it then. I was convinced that it was over. Titan...

"I think about how she watched you with those eyes. She knew. She knew you were special. Because she was trapped inside of herself, all she could do was think and watch and know. Doctors used to tell me she had the brain of a child, but I didn't believe that. And maybe it was just the thing that you have, helping her, keeping her alive and strong so it could keep going... but whatever did it, Sarah knew things that we can never know. And if she did give you this power, it's important, Eric. She wanted you to have it because it's supposed to be." Nancy squeezed Eric's hand. "I tried to forget that. But you can't. Not ever."