Titan

Back to the World

While Jim was recovering from his "operation," Eric returned to school. He did not want to go. He was worried that while he was away, whoever took Jim would try to hurt his parents. Tim had said in his typical cavalier fashion, "They know where to find me. They always have. Clearly."

Besides, Tim and Nancy did not want Eric to give up his life for this—they had never wanted that for him. Eric did not want to either. But something gnawed at him—either his gut or echoes of his connection with the deep sense. Whatever it was, Eric suspected there wouldn't be a choice.

Eric pulled into the school parking lot like he had done for almost four years now. Everyone looked the same and so did the building. He knew it was silly, but he felt like something should have changed. Eric's world had just been turned upside down and he expected everyone else to know. They didn't. His classmates still hung out with their friends, played video games, played sports, watched TV, and did everything else they had done before, without the slightest inkling that the world was different. Except the world wasn't different. The world had never changed. It had always been this way. Only now, Eric knew it. And he was different.

Eric's first step out of the car reminded him of what it was like going back to school after Sarah died. His whole life had been built around her, who needed her family for everything. His parents did their best to give Eric a "normal" childhood, but there had been only so much they could do: theirs was not a normal family. Less so than initially thought, after all.

When Eric went back to school after Sarah died, he realized that life had gone on without him. His friends were sad for him—pitied him, maybe—and so were his teachers, but they went home to their mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and spouses secure in the knowledge that someone they loved hadn't died. Eric's grief was little more than a footnote in their lives. Meanwhile, Eric had felt like a fault line had opened up in his living room beneath the couch. Nothing was the same.

The darkness that preyed inside him was still there, but it seemed somehow less important. Eric had loved Melanie, but she didn't mean anything compared to Jim. Besides, she had decided to leave. Jim had fought back only to see his family murdered. This only made Eric hate Melanie even more.

At the same time, he wished desperately to hug and kiss her and to hold her against him like he used to. It was a schizophrenic, childish, immature love, but it had taken root in him like a weed. It was not easily forgotten. He and Melanie shared much together; it was that first tentative, "burn you up inside" love. Despite the fact his parents were there for him, Eric felt alone. It weighed on him. He wondered if all of the Titans before him, like his dad or Grandpa Art, ever felt this way. The one person in the world he would have confided in about this was in the hands of the enemy. Or dead.

Drew was a good friend, but he was not the kind of friend you confided in for something like this. Eric knew Drew wouldn't believe it. He'd demand proof. It felt important that Titan be accepted through faith. Proving it with a show of armor did not feel right.

Drew was not a man of faith. He could not believe in the fantastic. He was one of those Catholics who was devout, but who would probably denounce Jesus today as a kook or a nut. He believed in Biblical miracles, but he wouldn't know a real one if he saw it. He wouldn't let himself see.

But Eric hadn't forgotten that Drew was the only friend who stuck with him when everyone else had jumped ship, but that didn't change Drew's nature. The most honest reason why Eric did not want to tell Drew was that he didn't trust him with the secret. Drew was a good buddy, a fun guy to pal around with, and a good ear when times were tough, but he was not the "trust him with the fate of the world" type of guy. Many of Eric's confidences had escaped to others through Drew with the words, "Now don't tell anyone you heard this, but..." And those secrets had been bullshit compared to this. Eric was seeing devils and wearing metal skin. He didn't want anyone he didn't trust to know. Hell, he wished he didn't know it.