Breaking Hearts

Chapter 4- True Feelings

“Bill, cheer up will you?” Tom said as he, Bill, Gustav and Georg walked into a bar, “It’s my bachelor party. Can’t you just have fun?”

Bill crossed his arms in a defensive manner, “ Do I look like I could have fun?”

Bill looked very tired and stressed, actually. It seemed to Tom that he should be sleeping, not partying.

“If you don’t feel well, I can take you home,” said Tom, offering words he didn’t really want to make true. He watched Bill’s face and knew that he was considering what Tom had said, but he also knew that Bill wasn’t quite so selfish as to take Tom away from his own party.

“No, it’s fine,” said Bill, sounding dull.

Tom comfortingly rubbed his brothers back as all four of them sat at the bar and ordered drinks.

Tom had something to tell Bill, something that he’d been thinking about for months. He wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but he felt like it was the only way Bill would move on. He had to pick the right time to talk to him about it though, and a bar didn’t seem like the right setting. Tom decided he would wait until the wedding reception. He had kind of always been a coward when it came to hurting people, and he knew that. He didn’t want to see how hurt Bill would be after the news. He’d talked to Gustav and Georg about it and they said that they would stay with Bill for a little while if need be.

“Tom?” Bill shoved his shoulder and Tom was jolted out of his daze.

“Where were you, there?” Bill smiled lazily.

“Oh, sorry, I was thinking about something,” Tom said as he noticed the alcohol on Bill’s breath.

“Are you drunk already?” Tom asked, surprised.

“Getting there,” Bill said as he held up a shot of tequila and then downed it, “You’re not having anything?”

“Oh, uh,” Tom flagged the bartender down, “I’ll have a Sam Adams,” he said.

“Hey guys,” Shouted Georg over the loudness of the bar, “Look, Bill’s beating Gustav in Tequila shots!”

Tom watched as Bill downed his 6th Tequila shot. Gustav was only on his 4th.

Tom laughed, “Hey Gustav, how do you feel about that?”

Everyone knew Gustav could drink the most, Tom falling right behind him.

Gustav flipped him off as he took another shot, trying to catch up to Bill, who was now on his 7th.

Tom smiled and took a gulp of his beer. It wasn’t usually the drink that he had, not to get drunk quickly anyway, but he liked the way it tasted and his stomach was feeling a bit too uneasy to be drinking liquor.

“Tom, what’s up with the beer?” Asked Gustav, his face contorting from the sting and taste of another shot, “Bill and I are wayyy ahead of you now. Also I think Georg is now the lightweight.”

“Hey!” Georg protested, crossing his arms, “I’ve had a beer.”

Everyone laughed at Georg’s defensive pose.

“Have a shot, Tom!” Demanded Bill, pushing a shot towards him.

Tom stared down at the golden liquor, then looked back up at Bill. He didn’t want to disappoint his brother any more than he already had, so he took the shot as all the guys egged him on.

Many more shots followed; even Georg joined in.

At one point, when Tom felt numb and could barely see straight, he noticed how nauseated he was. He knew it wouldn’t be long.

“Tom, where are you going?” Asked Bill angrily.

Tom rushed for the bathroom and faintly heard Georg say, “Aha! Tom’s first to puke this time! Give me my dollar, Gustav.”

Tom barely made it to the bathroom and was glad that one of the two men’s stall’s wasn’t occupied. He painfully emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He flushed and leaned against the stall’s wall, closing his eyes and regretting the Tequila he had consumed.

Tom knew Bill had just entered the bathroom. He could feel his presence, one of the twin things they shared. Bill slid down next to Tom.

“How can you drink so much,” Tom slurred.

Bill shrugged, “I dunno,” he laughed as he punched Tom’s shoulder, “How can you drink so little, hmmm?”

Tom looked at Bill and laughed. He looked so funny when he was wasted. Bill laughed with him, though Tom knew he wasn’t sure why he was laughing.

Bill’s smile faded as he looked at Tom seriously, “Tom,” he stated.

“Bill, don’t,” Tom groaned.

“You are getting married tomorrow, so I want to try one more time, ok? Just once more!” Bill smiled and drunkenly held up his pointer finger.

Tom rested his head on his knees. Bill’s begging was like a nightmare.

“I don’t want you to do this. It’s not good for you, or for us. Please, Tom.”

Bill clenched Tom’s shirt, “I love you Tom, how can I love you if you’re not there for me?”

Tom did some pleading of his own, “Bill, I can’t handle this, please.”

Bill clenched Tom’s shirt with his other hand.

“Tom, just consider it, that’s all. That’s all I want you to do! How will I live without you. We’re supposed to go off together, in the night, remember our song? Our song, Tom?”

Tom nodded between his knees, a lump forming in his throat. He knew what was coming next, it always happened when Bill had too much to drink. The worst part was that Bill never remembered it. But Tom always did, and he’d been dealing with it for years.

“Tom. I wrote that song because I love you! You know I love you right?”

Tom nodded again and cringed as he felt Bill’s hands delicately lift Tom’s head and turn it towards him.

“Bill-” Tom protested.

Bill put a finger over his mouth, “Shh, Tomi,” Tom squeezed his eyes shut as Bill pulled his face closer.

Tom felt a tear run down his cheek as Bill brushed his lips against his.

Tom had always known he could just deny Bill and push him away, but he cared too much for Bill to hurt him like that. He was already hurting him enough. When it had first started happening, Tom just assumed that Bill was lonely, and had tried to hook him up with various girls, but Bill wasn’t interested.

Gustav had noticed Tom’s efforts and confronted him one day, telling him that once when Bill was drunk, he’d confessed his feelings for Tom to him. Tom had been shocked at first, but once he’d put all the pieces together he’d understood.

Tom knew that Bill hadn’t realized his feelings, and wasn’t sure if he ever would, but he didn’t want to wait to find out. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Bill exactly, but he knew that even if he did have feelings for him, they could never be together. It was wrong, immoral, and disgusting to Tom. Their friends and family would disown them. Tom wanted to try to have a normal life, and he was constantly reminding himself that his relationship with Bill was not normal. Tom knew that he could be perfectly happy marrying Contessa- well, happy enough- and concluded that marrying her was the only solution to the dilemma, even if it meant breaking Bill’s heart.