You don't really care; do you?

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ #1

I was strong today.
I ate; which has been kinda difficult for me... and I left all my pro ana convos on KIK.
I'm one day clean.
One fuckin' day.
Im not sure if I should be proud of myself or ashamed for relapsing last night.
I wish I never started cutting bc it's like 80 degrees out and im stuck wearing sweaters and overcoats dying in the heat bc my arms are messed up.
Like I got 4 band aids on my arm rn and it sucks ass.
I cried again tonight. Really hard. The my-cheeks-hurt-so-bad kinda cry.
Because
Just...
I was scared...
Tonight was scary.
I thought someone broke in and i was alone on the second floor with my grandparents and little sister on the first floor and I was just so scared they were gonna get hurt... i called my s/o and my friend and I was stuttering and shaking so much...
And crying bc I just feel like shit... im so replaceable and im just worthless why does anybody put up with me!
I hate depression
I hate my thoughts...
AND ANOTHER THING
I wanna tell my mom about my depression and anxiety. I really do but I just feel really invalidated sometimes...?
And my depression gets so bad like... a week or so before my period starts and it's just like
GreAt!!! i wanna harm myself and I'm vomiting bc of cramps ! ! ! What a steal ! ! !
I just really fucking hate myself right now.
Suicide hotline:
1-800-273-8255
Abuse hotline:
1-800-799-7233