You don't really care; do you?

E⃟n⃟t⃟r⃟y⃟ 2

I'm gonna sound like such a Bitch in this oof
Warning:
Self harm after the ⚠️ emoji
So
I wrote and I'm soon to publish a book... hopefully it's to come out mid June and I asked my mom if I could have a sleep over to celebrate.
And she yells at me and stuff and I legit am boutta cry cause she was like 'you never get out your bed or clean your room!!'
THERE'S A FUCKING REASON FOR THAT. I'M DEPRESSED. IT'S HARD ENOUGH GETTING UP IN THE MORNING. WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT. WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT.
She yelled at me to get a job and pay my phone bill and get back on top of chores but the last few months have been so fucking dim and bleak that I really don't think I'll make it to see my second job.
I never talk to her bc every talk we have ends in a fight and I hate it and I just hate myself so much i just.
Things have been shit lately.
I wrote that book for her. To make her happy. And now she said it isn't gonna do shit for her like ??? Oh wow that doesn't hurt at all great thank you.
I'm not even that upset about the sleepover thing anymore.
I'm just
If I tell her about my depression I bet she'll use that against me too. Fuck.
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I really want to relapse.
But I'm not gonna. I'm angry and I'll probably go too deep and slice open an important vein or something.
I'm gonna stay strong.