It's Above Me Now.

1: All Hail Karin

"Please stop thinking that whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting. It doesn't work that way Chance. I'm tired of lingering, wondering, wishing. I'm tired of waiting around, hoping things would get better with time. It's clear, you don't want me. You only want what I have to offer. A roof over your head, this bomb ass pussy....I could go on. You were in it for the thrills. And I guess that was my mistake. You see, when you're so used to taking care of everyone it becomes an ongoing habit. But it stops here. It stops right here, Chance. No longer will you be able to manipulate or validate me."

I let a couple moments pass before I breathed out restlessly. I was in no mood for this dramatic monologue despite how true it all was. The block was hot and I needed somewhere to crash. That was the only reason I pulled up on my ex girl Chanel. But if I knew all this verbal bullshit was coming, I would have headed the opposite direction.

Instead of focusing on the present, Chanel spent time holding on to the past. And that's why lil mama and I couldn't rock. I wasn't going to be in no relationship with her if she had to constantly remind me of what a piece of shit I was just to make herself feel better.

"You're panting," she continued. "Lemme guess, you and your trifling ass brother were running from the cops, right? Damn, Chance. When you gonna get right? You turned 21 last week. Honestly, when are you gonna grow up? We're adults now, you can't keep doing the same shit. And that's just another reason why we're not together anymore. I need a man, not a boy."

"How 'bout you stay up outta my business." I snapped. "Always got something to say like yo ass is perfect. I'm a fuck up and I'm accepting it. You happy now? Let me in."

Chanel tapped her foot impatiently but after a few seconds she moved aside. Brushing past her, I headed upstairs to the room we once shared to make sure my stacks were in order. If push came to shove and 12 was still swimming around, I would have to utilize my coins to get the hell outta dodge.

"Where did you get all that money from? And how long has it been sitting there?" Chanel questioned as she watched me count my racks and toss them back into the shoebox they were in. "Is that drug money?"

"Damn, ma. Is you the police? Chill the fuck out." I answered.

"No, no, ain't no chill the fuck out because if you got me tied to any of your bullshit I'm gonna tell my uncle and..."

"And what is he going to do?" I quickly asked. "Just mind your business, alright? I got this."

Murmurs and whines were coming from Chanel and I turned to face her, smiling at her beautiful face. I be hating how I do her but she's just so damn aggravating. She picks at everything. There was always something I gotta do better, something I wasn't doing enough of. The woman was constantly on my ass.

"Why you smiling at me for?"

"Cuz I know you loveeee me." I teased.

She laughed in return and plopped down on the bed, inches away from me. Inhaling her scent had your boy's dick beginning to stand firm but I knew better than to indulge. We were broken up for a reason. And although I could probably get it whenever I wanted to, I hated that guilty feeling I got knowing that I was leading her on and setting her up for failure. Seeing her go back on her word countless times for me was starting to get pathetic, especially because I knew she was a better woman than that.

"What are you waiting for?" Chanel asked, pulling me closer to her.

"What do you mean?" I lied.

"Stop playing with me." Chanel whispered. "Come get all of this."

"Nah, I'm straight C. I'm about to leave anyways."

"Leave?!" Chanel yelled. "Leave and go where? Are you seriously turning me down right now? I'm here tryna throw my ass back and give you some good loving and you wanna bounce? Who's the new bitch, huh? I kicked you out my house for five seconds and you already got a new hoe? Bet she can't put it down like me, Chance. I already know that bitch ain't got nothing on me!"

"Damn C, calm yo ass down." I snickered. " Look, I gotta go. Don't take it personal. I just got a lot on my mind right now. I'll pull up on you later."

"Mmhmm...." Chanel murmured, following me to the door. "Better not be no bitch. I make pull ups too, Chance. And I get lit."

Laughing, I gave Chanel a kiss on her forehead before heading through the door. She'll always be my baby, no matter what. She looked out for me when she didn't have to, and I'll always respect that. Maybe in time we could work something out. But as for right now, the grind was most important. Anything else could come after that.

"Shit, how I know yo ass was gonna be up in that house?"

I didn't even get out Chanel's gate good when I saw my brother Dylan strolling up on the curb. Dylan was my dawg. We grew up together in the foster home and from young we declared to always ride together. We called each other brothers mainly on the fact that we looked alike, but Dylan was my right hand man. And his loyalty was undeniable.

"Where did you go?" I asked. "Cuz from the looks of things, it seems like you were heading to your baby mama's house man."

"Shit, you ain't ever spoke no lies." Dylan proudly proclaimed. "Got a quick bite to eat and all. That woman loves me!"

We laughed in unison as we made our way back to the traphouse. It was a broken down, busted ass house but we made it our solitude. Mama Karin, the owner of the shack had welcomed us all as if we were her sons. She was a middle aged woman who loved weed as much as she did the hustle life. And once we brought the supply, we had a place to rise and get high.

Dylan did the required knock to gain access and when we entered, it was clear that something was wrong. All the men were huddled up at the main table and Mama Karin was looking pissed.

"How could y'all motherfuckers let this happen!?!" she snapped.

Dylan looked at me and I looked back at him. I was just as confused as he was.

"You know how it is, Karin." Mario, one of the real sons of Mama Karin said. "It's every man for himself in these streets. 12 came around when everyone was chilling on the block, started shooting and we had to scatter. Lil man just couldn't keep up. I told his ass to stay with you. It's no one's fault but his."

"Shut your bitch ass up!" Karin yelled. "That's your blood! You look out for your blood!"

It dawned on me then that Mario's little brother Micah who was the youngest out of all of us, wasn't with us. And from looking at the sorrowful faces around the room, I could only assume the worst for him.

"Do you know his state?" Phil, one of the older goons asked.

"Nah, I...I...I just saw the police shoot at him and he fell." Polo, one of the newest of the lot answered.

Phil nodded and processed the statement. Mama Karin and Phil were around the same age, and at one point I even thought they were lovers. But at our last block party I noticed the two old heads sharing and exchanging women and that idea went out of my head real fucking quick.

Mama Karin paced back and forth and we all watched her every move. She was the captain of the ship so to speak, and because she was in this type of game for so long, she knew the ins and outs of everything.

"Someone needs to go see if my son is alive or not." Karin finally announced.

"But who?" Phil answered. "Everyone in here is on the verge of jail time, Karin. It would be questionable if any of us showed up."

"Everyone but Chance and Dylan." Mario uttered.

It was as though we were in a scene at school where the kid does something wrong and gets called up in front of class and everyone's looking at him. These men were eyeing my brother and I like they weren't going to see us again or some shit.

"Y'all two are going to see what's up with my son." Karin said. "Ain't no ifs, ands or buts about it. Do what I say. You two don't want this smoke. And he better be alive. We clear?"

This bitch was tripping. And I couldn't tell the bitch that she was tripping because for the first time since I've known her, there was actual fear in her eyes.

I looked at Dylan and he nodded. "We got you covered, Karin."

Mama Karin looked at us as if we had shit on our faces. "So what the fuck are you two waiting on? GO!"