S H AW N ME N D E S

IN M Y BL OO D

/____trigger warning____/

October 23, 2017

{Shawn's POV}

I have been in the studio all day. I took over hundreds of photos , including many interviews. so much stress has been on me with starting the album, reaching the fans levels of 'perfect', contacting family and friends while maintain most of my private life to be secret.

I lean my head against the white marble bathroom wall, I look straight at the light faded wood door. My heavy breathing kicks in and it is unsteady, like a balloon.

My hands start to shake.
My head feels like its spinning.
I feel like im compacting, the walls feel like they are falling and caving on me! I can't focus.

I sit there for a few minutes I attempt the skills Lydia taught me, its called ''grounding." I breathe in nose and out my mouth, again and again. I keep repeating the process yet each time it's worse.

I grab my phone from the side of the tub. I unlock it,  comments fluoded the white screen . I scrolled through , but all my eyes saw was anger and hate, towards me.

I go to my messages and click on '🕊Lydia🕊(WIFE)'

{she is his girlfriend}

ShaW: Help me! Please Ly I need you now!

🕊Lydia🕊(WIFE): Shawn, hun are you okay? Im at work but i'll come home as quick as possible. Please tell me!

ShaW: Can you come home? Send anyone, I need help!!!

🕊Lydia🕊(WIFE): Love i'm on my way, can you hold on? Or do i need to send someone else faster? What it is happening,

...love?

ShaW: NO, i want you, just come as fast as you can.

{End of text}

I get up, and my legs shake furiously. My mind is going wild. I can't do this, fans are giving up on me, i've been so inactive. People were losing trust in me, im weak, im so god damn weak.

I push off the things on the counter, I look at my self in disgust at the weak man I am. "im just a failure," I whispered. 

I slowly walk up to the sink and grabbed the yellow bottle of Advil out of the drawer. I look around subtly trying to think about what I might do but, im not even sure what im thinking or what im doing and my vision is blurred.   I swallow them down, one by one. My heart was breaking . My head was in  pain and I start screeching. I soon only see blobs and black starts to to come up. I fall to the ground and tears flow down my face!

{ 5 minutes later Lydia knocks on door}

{Random POV}

"SHAWN OPEN UP! SHAWN! SHAWN!" She yelled, soon it made her voice rasp and she soon had tears rolling down her face. .
"SHA-WN" she whined.

"I know your in there the lights are on, " She yelled sounding distressed.

Lydia ran towards the door pushing, she starting breathing roughly. she ran in the room and rummaged through the draws to find the keys to to the bathroom.   She ran to the back of the bathroom, to only see Shawn with his head in his knees.
"SHAWN" Lydia yelled shaking Shawn he.  "SHAWN, SHAWN, what the fuck, wake up." she glanced at the table seeing the yellow bottle laying there. " Oh My, no no no, Shawn no. hello hun, hun, LOvE ." she said hitting  his face. "Why, why Shawn what the fuck. GOD dAmn" she pulled him into the tub. grabbing him under the armpits, stuggling holding up the 6'2 man.  She sat him between her lap, she stuck her fingers down his throat making him throw up some. Shawn's eye bolt open. He looks around to see throw up on the bath tub floor looking scared out of his mind.

He moves his head a little more to finally see Lydia's hands in front of him.  lydia puts her hand on her chest not even caring about them just being in Shawn's mouth. " Omg, Shawn, love, omg why. love you fuckin scared me" she wailed with heavy tears going down her face.

"Hun are you okay" Ly said rubbing his cheeks. She moved to sit in front of his knees.
"Shawn, look at me." She said softly lifting up his chin to face her. Shawn's eyes wondered around her face. "Shawn It's okay. Sometimes we all feel like we want to give up. But Shawn it i'snt in your blood to! I love you!"

"Thank y-you" Shawn mummers. Lydia pulls Shawn and lays his head on her chest and played with his hair. Talking to him every once in a while. they sit in the tub most of the night. Lydia looks at her watch "omg... its so late," she says in shock as she was dozing off. " let get this cleaned, including you Mr. Mendes" she giggled, "Cause you kind of smell" she said waving her hand in front of her nose making a stank face.
Making Shawn smile and roll his head back.