The Greatest Sacrifice - Daryl Dixon

Anxiety & Alcohol

Seeing Ally and Carl on the other side of the door was like a tempting mirage, Daryl had seen her every night in his dreams and now here the real Ally was. His feet couldn't carry him fast enough but she had ran and jumped right into his arms to wrap herself around him, to draw him close. “I never stopped fighting to come back to you” she whispered into his ear and he cradled her close not even caring about the burning, rotten smell that came off Ally's clothes and skin, under that layer of grime was the women he loved. He remembered now so clearly what Rick had said when Negan had driven away, how Ally had said that she loved him and that his worst fear was that he had never gotten the chance to say it back. In the weeks she was gone he had really come to terms with himself and he knew with every fiber of his being that he belonged with her, for better or worse. It seemed his bad luck had broken because Ally had come back to him alive and he knew that if there ever was meant to be a sign, this was his. They stood there in each others arms for a long while just holding each other until Ally let go and stood back, it was then that Daryl realised just how much weight she had lost which made her face look sunken, her eyes were black with bruises and her lip was split. She had suffered when she had been taken and that had to have some effect on her. “Come on inside, it's warm and we have showers with hot water. I'll find you some spare clothes and you just throw those ones away” Carol said stepping forward to steer her into the building although no-one missed the flinch that Ally gave when Carol took her arm, Daryl fell in step behind them as they headed up the industrial staircase to the floor they were living on and he waited with her while Carol grabbed the towels and things she wanted Ally to have. With all her items in her arms she stepped into the shower but the thought of taking off her clothes was too much and she felt her chest constricting until she couldn't even breathe a single breath. Her heart hammered in her chest until it was a roar in her ears and she felt her knees buckle until she hit the tiled floor and couldn't get up. Her whole vision spun and she couldn't get her eyes to focus. She was having an anxiety attack brought on by the trauma she had endured. Daryl had heard her hit the floor and went in to see her in a huddle on the floor shaking madly while she tried to control herself. Daryl took her face in his hands and lifted it so he could see her panicked eyes, all he wanted was to make her feel better. He kissed her hesitantly and she didn't seem to respond at first but then it was like flipping a switch, being in his arms had made her feel secure enough to help her regain control of her breathing and her heart was starting to slow down from its breakneck beat. “What happened?” he asked once he had pulled away from her, not wanting to hurt her split lip. “They wouldn't give me clothes….they took mine and men would come in and try to...you know but I'd not let them and they'd beat me instead” she stuttered and he understood immediately and felt fury rise in his chest that her own father had let his daughter be violated in that way. She felt so small in his arms like half of what she used to be, he knew she was scared but she had to get clean. Who knew what was on her skin after being in that cell?

“I'll go in with you, I'll go in the shower” he said and she nodded so slightly it looked like a shudder. He undressed first to show her is was alright and then he undressed her layer by layer, so slow that she could say stop at any moment if she felt too overwhelmed with the situation. She flinched when he took her singlet off to reveal the large bruises shaped and sized like men's boot prints that covered her stomach and back. The dirt was layered onto her skin all over her body and when she stepped out of her pants he could see the deep scratches up and down her limbs. “You're safe with me, I'm not going to leave you” he promised as he drew her under the warm water, she shuddered violently as the water touched her skin and Daryl had to grab the sponge to begin scrubbing her down. The water turned brown as it ran off her body and down the drain and despite how gentle he was being she still flinched at his touch. When she was clean, he drew her out again and wrapped her up in the towel that Carol had given her. Her eyes were cast down as if she wanted to avoid his gaze, as if she wanted to be invisible. She climbed into the clothes quickly to cover her skin and then she sat waiting to be told what to do now. She ate what he gave her, drank the water when she was told to but she wasn't herself. She was like a lifeless doll and it was painful to witness for everyone around her. She remained this was until one morning, Abraham slipped her a bottle of well aged whiskey which he had hoped would give her some confidence to be her old self again but instead it just made it worse, She did gain confidence in a sense but she was just drunk and not herself at all. Her stumbled footsteps woke Maggie as she made her way down the hallway in the early hours of the morning, the bottle still clutched in her hand only had a few drops in the bottom. “Ally? The hell are you doing making so much noise?” Maggie demanded in a harsh whisper, “Maggie! Your my friend aren't you Maggie? I seem to have run out of this drink and I wanted some more, I can't find any and that's not good”  Ally said with a distinct slur and her sentence was punctuated by hiccups. “I don't think you need any more booze Ally, maybe let's go find you some water to drink instead” Maggie suggested as she took Ally's arm to lead her back up the hallway where she gave Daryl's door a swift kick hoping to wake him, knowing he ought to see this. Daryl didn't wake up right away though and so it was Maggie who sat in their kitchen and made Ally sober up. “Maggie, do you think I'll ever have a family?” Ally asked as she drank more water, “You've got a family right now” Maggie replied with an edge of conditions tinting her voice, “I mean like a husband, babies that sort of thing” Ally explained and Maggie glanced up to see Daryl in the doorway listening in to Ally's words. “Why don't you think you can have those things?” Maggie asked for Daryl's benefit, “Ever since I come back, y'all just look at me different. I'm not who I was and Daryl acts like I'm made of glass. I love him Maggie but I don't know if he loves me the same way any more, what I went through was something I can't just forget and I don't know if Daryl wants me now that I'm damaged goods” Ally replied sniffling the whole way and then Daryl understood, perhaps he had been treating Ally too delicately because he didn't want to cause her any anxiety. In all honesty, seeing her have a panic attack that first night was terrifying and he wanted to prevent anything like that happening ever again but it wasn't what Ally wanted, or what she needed.