Demented Fantasies to Reality

Chapter 3: Analyzing herself

    Brushing dirt off her clothes Jade got up with great difficulty and headed for the front door once again. Almost half way there she decided to go home because she was in too much pain and it was already very late. Although very proud of herself Jade wished she could have taken back that comment she made that earned  a gruesome beating. Just replaying the scene in her head that had just occured sent involuntary shivers up and down her spine. 'Rebecca Mali" she hated that girl with all the hatred her tattered and worn heart could muster up the strength to contain.

   Upon finally being in the comfort of her own her home,  she checked if she was alone. Realizing that she was she then ran up stairs and locked herself in the cofines of her own room. Taking off her shoes and climbing into her bed , Jade then balled up in the fetal position. She wanted to run away from all pain and sorrow she had to  endure on a regular basis. Many painful thoughts ran through her head clouding her judgement quite quickly. Her vision was then suddenly blurred by tear drops that were threatening to be released at any given moment. Her thoughts becoming to much to bear she then broke down and the first  tear drop fell out of her right eye (signifance: studies show that if the first tear drop is from the right it means pain if its from the left eye it means joy) a numerous amount of tears then fell after the first one like a cloud that can not bear the weight of the water it contains and just has to release it in the form of raindrops.

    She then realized that she wasn't just crying for what Rebecca had done to her but the utter fact that  her life was just screwed up. In remembering her fathers death another round of fresh tears rushed forth wetting her face with salty warmth. Her father had died in a freak accident about 4 years ago. A crane had accidently dropped a  heavy sheet of glass on him. His body  was almost unindentifable. "Why do bad things always happen to good people?" she thought. " Rebecca who has hurt her so many times was still alive and kicking ...literally " she held abdomen in remembrance. After her father had died she had completely zoned out and left the world behind her. She  thought of her father as the best friend she never had. His death brought on her antisocial and introverted nature.

 Touching her torso once  again she winced in pain. She then got up to address the damage. Standing up and walking towards her full length mirror she glared at her tear stained cheeks. Instead of lifting her shirt to look at the bruises she just stood there and analyzed her unique features. Grabbing some tissues from the  box on her beside table she then wiped the last of her tears off her cheeks. Straightening her back and tiliting her head to the side she took in what she saw infront of her.

      Her long waist length red velvet cake coloured hair cascaded down her back and framed her oval shaped face. Her cheekbones were modelesquely high.Her eyes where large and indented giving her a look of innocence. A cute ski slope nose was perched between her  cheekbones. Resting below her nose was a rose bud of a mouth with perfectly pink full lips. She was quite slender although she didnt work out and characteristically had womanly curves. She wasnt unattractive if any she was quite a sight to see. She could make friends if she wanted to but she was often deemed unapproachable and she never to the time out to want to change the way people  viewed her .

   Lifting her shirt she took in the hideous sight displayed before her. To right of her navel there was a purple mark supposedly left behind  by Rebecca's first punch. Lifting her shirt higher she discovered another bruise just below her left breast this one was left behind by her rib crushing kick. Not wanting to look at this anymore she pulled down her shirt and took one last look in the mirror. Turning around she crawled back into bed making sure to grab her little black book before she got to comfortable. Opening it up to a clean page she began to write .

    Dear little black book,

                                       Everything seems to be going wrong.The situation with Rebecca has gone from  bad to worse. I feel like giving up there is nothing left to live for. I dont want to sit here  and feel sorry for myself, that would be weak. I just dont understand  why Rebecca hates  me so much i have done nothing whatsoever to hurt emotionally or physically. I try to stay calm but im beginning to lose control. She hasnt really done anything to push me completely over edge, but Im pretty close.

She needs to know that once she crosses that thin line that seperates my sanity and just below the surface insanity she will be  trecking on dangerous territory.

   My entries are becoming quite lengthy and frequent . It feels as if writing has become insufficient. No one understands how badly I just want to snap and slit her throat. Now that I look at it slitting her throat will be way to easy , she must suffer. Looking at my calm and collected demeanour no one would ever think such thoughts would so much as even cross my mind but they do constantly. I have not written down any sadisitic fantasies because of my constant fear thats someone might read my little  black book.

   I anticipate the day that she is on her knees pleading for mercy that will never be given. Just thinking of how her blood will stain my clothes with its crimson beauty eradicates joy  throughout my entire body. She will pay one day for the lifetime of pain and suffering she has caused me. If she knows what is best for her she wont dare cross that line.

                                                                                                                            -JADE

      After finishing her last entry she lay down and exhaled. Reading and  re reading her entry she deemed it acceptable. Getting out of her bed she decided to put on sweats. Opening her bedroom door she peered out slightly, finding out that she was still alone she decided to treck down to the basement. Although dusty, cramped and moldly this was where Jade freed herself from the constant stress in her life. Looking around for about a minute she finally found what she was looking for. Resting her eyes on a few objects covered by a white sheet. She walked towards it with anticipation welling up inside her with  each step.

     Standing right beside it she used both hands to drag the sheets off the objects. A small but genuine grin spread across when she saw what had been under the sheet. It was her old art supplies that she had been obssessed with quite a while back. She  had stopped making  art when her father passed away but she was most definitely gonna start once again.

      Drawing was also one of the ways she could express herself. Her art teachers thought of her as being extremely gifted, although her paintings were usually a disturbing potrayal of venomously taunting unforgettably drawings. Removing the canvas off of the stand, she placed it onto a nearby table. She got  her drawing pencil and placed the point in the very center of the canvas and drew. Endless creative ideas then came one by one to her mind. 

    Soon enough a beautiful but incomplete drawing was infront of her. It was of red rose dripping with blood that was being choked by a numerous amount of black vines with thorns, the rose was simultaneously being turned black. Impressed with the drawing she took a step back to admire her creation.Thoroughly satisfied and content with it she set it on the canvas to paint it.

SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING FOR A WHILE I WAS AT CAMP ..... AND ALSO FOR THE ACCIDENTALLY UNFINISHED UPLOAD BEFORE THIS .