Side By Side

4.

I looked better than I had in a little while. I had pulled myself together just enough for my first day back at school, like I had braided all the unraveled strings in my life together, and I was hoping it would hold at least long enough for the school day even though every fibre in me wanted to stay home.

I could almost see my parents, looking down on me from a birds eye view, placing bets on how this day was going to go; they were never strangers to making bets on other people, they said it made life a little more interesting. As if they needed life to be more exciting; they traveled the world for their job, and I tended to think I made their lives exciting too. And, if they needed a little excitement in their after life, then I would've been happy to provide that.

So, with one last glance in the mirror, I opened the door and headed downstairs, hoping to make it, at the very least, exciting for my parents to watch.

rounding the corner into the living room, I could hear Nancy and Lissa, their whispers floating from the kitchen. There had been a lot of whispering going on lately. Whispers that were always out of sight, and always carried to other room. It was never loud enough for me to hear any of it, the conversation just out of reach.

"Morning," I said when the whispering subsided. Nancy and Lissa looked psychotic when they turned and had freakishly large grins plastered on their faces. I almost flinched at the sight of them.

"Uh... everything alright?" It was weird to be the one asking that question rather than answering it. Then, I was rushed with bear hugs from them both.

"We're proud of you Addi," Genuine pride filled Nancy's voice. I couldn't figure out the reason why anyone would be proud of me. I was a mess, and had barley been able to look presentable for a first day of school. I might've looked better, but that did not mean I was better.

When they released me I attempted a smile, and grabbed a banana and my back pack. I took a deep breath and looked to Lissa who smiled and linked her arm through mine.

"Come on Addi, your new life begins today!" She was cheery and said it like an optimistic thing, but a pit sank in my stomach.

"No pressure," I mumbled.

"Don't worry you'll do great!" Her enthusiasm was supposed to be helping, but it made me feel like I was boring and bland in comparison. People didn't like people who were boring and bland, and next to Lissa I was the equivalent to the colour grey.

"She's right," Nancy told me reassuringly, "And Lissa, take it easy on her okay,"

"Yes Mom," Lissa replied then looked at me in a way that told me she didn't think she needed to take it easy on me.

"Bye girls! Good luck," and with that goodbye Lissa was dragging me by our linked arms to her pale green convertible. I never really understood that car; Lissa lived in a place where it snowed half the year and rained the other half, it wasn't even remotely practical, but then again, neither was Lissa.

The trip to Riverbank high school was a bumpy one, and with every single pothole or turn taken a little too fast, my nails dug further and further into the palm of my hand. Lissa cringed and apologized every time.

My heart was pounding in my ears and my whole head felt warm despite it being a brisk and wet autumn morning. I took unnoticeable breaths that were deep and repeated in my head I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Just as I started to believe that I could get through the day the school came into view. People my age always made me nervous, strangers made me nervous, and as I caught a glimpse of all the students in the parking lot or heading into the school I felt the usual panic raise but then it sky rocketed. My breathing was shallow and sharpe enough for Lissa to pull over.

"Hey, hey," she said calmly and I looked up from my feet to her, "it'll be okay. I promise. What's the worse that could happen? You've been to school a million times," she was right, and it made me feel stupid. I was panicking over something so completely ordinary, and would seem stupid to everyone else, that it made me feel like a child scared of an imaginary monster hiding under the bed.

It took some breathing but eventually I choked out, "Okay. You're right, let's... let's go,"

"Are you sure? 'Cause we can just head home," Lissa asked.

"Yeah. I'm ready,"

Lissa nodded and drove slowly into the student parking lot. The parking lot was mostly riddled with people sitting in their cars either finishing last minute summer homework, talking to passengers, or trying convince themselves not to ditch all of which in a coffee and stress filled haze. Nothing too out of the ordinary yet.

Lissa's ballet flats made flapping noises as we trudged across the quad, the slightly overgrown and damp grass tickling my ankles and left the tops of my socks wet. From what I understood, Lissa was taking me to the all important tree.

In the corner of the field behind the school was a tree. Underneath that tree was a picnic table, and Lissa had emphasized the importance of that table under that tree. She said that it might as well have been their little groups club house sense childhood. That's where all the big moments happened; all of their individual first kisses, the news that Marcus and Jake had made the football team, and of course, news of me.

Lissa thought it was only appropriate that the first official introduction between her friends (and conceivably my soon to be new friends) and I, should be under that tree. So Lissa, her curls bouncing, her floral print skirt swaying, was walking in the damp September morning at speeds I didn't think were possible in ballet flats, dragging her cousin with her, all so I could meet her friends at their sacred spot.

It wasn't hard to see the massive tree, even through the mist. It was however, hard to see the three teenagers crowded on top of the picnic table, shrouded by the shade of the branches and the thick layer of fog. It looked like any conversation you might have there would never leave the vicinity of the tree because the beaches would catch any attempts at secrets trying to escape.

Around the table, besides all the fallen autumn leaves, were two faces I didn't recognize, and one I did. When Jake saw Lissa and I approaching in all our contrasting glory, he stood up to greet us.

"Hey guys," he smiled a toothy smile. As I walked the few extra steps to be under the tree, the smell of damp leaves became stronger, and droplets of water from the leaves fell around us making it sound like there was a light rain.

"Hey," Lissa made a general greeting. The two blondes who were sitting on the table, presumably Lily and Marcus, were now up from the table, "this is Addi,"

"Hi," I smiled with a little bit of teeth. After I had gotten my braces off, Mom said I better smile with my teeth any chance I got, because the amount she paid for me to have straight teeth was more than enough to pay someone to smile for the rest of their life. I stuck out my hand. Marcus looked down at my extended hand and barked some laughter.

"Man, a formal hand shake, I've never felt so important," he grabbed my hand and shook it hard with a smile, "I'm Marcus. And don't worry, Jake told me no Canada jokes,"

Marcus really was all golden like Lissa had told me. A golden boy with golden hair, golden skin, and golden eyes.

I laughed, "nice to meet you,"  Marcus winked, and Lily, who was just as golden as him, rolled her eyes at her brother before shoving him aside with her shoulder.

"I'm Lily, and we've got first block together, Business. But the most productive thing we do in that class is see who can get the most pencils stuck in the ceiling,"

"I'm proud to say I hold that record," Marcus butted in.

"No you don't," Lissa argued, "Lily does; two of yours don't count because you stood up on the desks to get them stuck,"

"Alright, So first rule of Riverbank high: never believe anything Marcus tells you," Jake informed me as we all started to travel towards the school.

"Duly noted," I said at the same time Marcus shouted, "hey!"