My Confession

Fear itself

Disclaimer: Victorious and it's characters belong to its original owners. No money is being made from this story.

A/N 30 seconds for a commentq?

I'm here, lying and anxious, unable to sleep. The soft blue light from the street enters my room hitting the wall right next to my bed. It moves with the shadows of the tree right outside my window, creating shapes I hardly understand. I lose myself thinking, worried, hurting…

I'm scared.

I try to remember a moment in which I saw her genuinely depressed or just sad for more than a couple of days; I can't.

Tori's always been the happy, perky, positive girl that accomplishes everything she sets her mind to, the joker, the helper. The girl that went off her way many times just to be my friend and the one I constantly rejected, pulled pranks to, insulted and pushed away. The one that until recently, I made sure knew, I wasn't her friend and I didn't even like.

Now she is my girl, I see her smile everyday. I love that smile, and as I realize this, I find myself smiling too… smiling to the memory of our best days since that night I asked her to be my girlfriend.

I fear the thought of losing her, of not really knowing what goes through her head when she is alone. I can't imagine Tori ever trying to hurt herself and yet, she didn't deny it at dinner when her parents mentioned it.

Why wouldn't she tell me? What dark secrets she keeps from me? Will I ever know?

Silence consumes me right now, the soft sound of the wind caressing the leaves of my tree, is not enough to distract me from what I'll face in a few hours when we finally talk.

Is this a real threat? Did I miss the signs? And how did her parents know? Trina didn't seem shocked either, did she know?

I hate what they did to her when they decided to read her diary, but if I'd have known, I would've done the same.

Dark clouds fill my mind as I think over and over, what to say? What to ask? I don't even know how to feel because I have never gone through something remotely like this.

This has gotten way to complicated to deal with. Just two days ago it was us against the world, loving each other, having fun, and now everyone is involved, everything is a mess, Tori is broken and I… I'm unsettled. What if I'm not strong enough to handle what she has to say?

The shadows on my wall start to fade. The morning has come and I have to get ready to pick Tori up at her house.

I sigh deeply trying to give myself strength and I get up to get ready.

I leave my house quickly and head for the car, I try to open the door with the keys, as if suddenly forgot that I should press the lock button to automatically open it.

"Stop Jade! Calm down," I tell myself as I slide in and close the door. I close my eyes for a few seconds and continued putting the seatbelt.

On the way I remember the second time I picked up Tori home. We have recently became friends and I offered to take her to school early since we had rehearsals of a play I no longer remember. I turned around her house and saw her waiting on the sidewalk. I honked the horn a couple of times and she was quick to come in, she was nervous and didn't want to fasten the passenger's seatbelt.

I waited for her to do it, but she was doubtful, trying to go unnoticed.

"So? Do you expect me take you without the belt on?" I gestured her to put it on.

"I think I'll be safer without it," she replied.

"Well, then get out," I replied loosening my belt and approaching the handle of her door to open it, going over her lap.