Swish and Flick

Chapter 6: Swish and Flick... And Flick Some More

Lauren

Having lived as a muggle my entire life then finding out that I was a witch has led me to believe that my life will change extraordinarily, that I'll leave the petty mundane shit back home, that I'll be learning spells all day all night and hone my skills and light some candles and assemble magical crystals under the full moon and be the best goddess I could ever be.

Yet, here I am, third year in Hogwarts, realizing that magical teenagers also experience basically the same stuff muggles do. Acne, silly little teenage crushes, highly disappointing first times, unrequited love, and failing grades. Sure, we have potions and spells for most things, but it doesn't mean we're suddenly experts in life. We're struggling just as much, pining for people who don't even know we exist, have insecurities that we can't easily get over.

Dinah and I are lounging under the shade of an ancient-looking oak tree near the Great Lake; Dinah's tickling one of the tentacles of the great squid, who has taken an affinity to the third year Gryffindors and always surfaces and stays in the shallow water whenever Dinah or her fellow housemates are around.

Meanwhile, I choose to sit a little far back, reading 12 Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Wizards (which is a load of bullshit by the way) with Leo snoozing next to me.

"This is useless!" I groan, closing the book and throwing it a foot away from me. "Is this guy for real?!"

"Matthew Pussy?"

"Hussey with an E. But yeah, what a waste of time. This is worse than Lockhart's How to Smile with Style and Win by Winking and Not Blinking."

"I told you, if you wanted Zayn Malik to notice you, just grow some balls and ask him out!"

"You know I can't do that!" I groan in frustration.

"And there you are reading about love, as if love and dating can be boxed into a paragraph," Dinah looks at my book the same way she looks at a flobberworm. "If you can't directly ask him out, then there are other ways, Lauser -- I could ask my cousin to teach me how to brew some love potion --"

"Dinah, you almost failed Potions last year!"

"I told you I didn't know my book was missing a page! I can't be blamed for following half sets of instructions to two different potions!"

"I'll never drink something you made," I say firmly. "I'd rather eat Pussy than swallow whatever shit you make."

"Merlin's beard, you're hurting my feelings."

"And I don't need you to hurt my intestines with your silly potions."

"Fine, keep on reading Fussy for all I care."

The mere mention of his name again makes me roll my eyes. Seriously, this guy is so annoying and I can't believe I spent my day reading his trash dating advices.

"Like I don't need to know how many times is acceptable to flip my hair to catch a guy's attention. Excuse me, I will flip my hair whenever I want to!" I complain loudly.

"My cousin once went to his book-signing -- she said he looks like a bumblebee but at least he's nice. His books are expensive, though. My aunt used it to wallop my cousin's head -- said she needed to focus on getting decent NEWTs before trying to get a guy."