Her Only Lifeline

Prologue

"It may be crazy: what I'm doing, but I'm tired of all of this. Tired of the way your eyes won't meet mine like you'll go blind if they met. Tired of the way you avoid us being in the same room. Of the way you wake up so early and sleep so late, just to avoid me. 

Where did I go wrong?

I asked myself the same question over and over again. But I can't seem to find the answer.

Everything was perfect.

We were perfect.

When we sat together, our neighbors would hear your laugh.

Now? You don't even crack a smile while in my company.

Remember how we met? 

I don't know about you, but I'd never forget.

The first thing I heard you say was 'Sh*t'. 

The first expression I saw on your face? A pained frown mixed with tears.

I was the reason of it.

I regretted riding my car that day.

Remember the day I asked you out?

It was the second best day in my life.

And my best day?

It was the day I proposed to you.

It is our 6th year together, and everything is crumbling down upon us. 

I miss you.

I miss the real you.

The one that was so cheerful and talkative.

The one that had an angel's soul.

I'm not saying that you don't have one now, what I'm saying is that it's buried deep inside.

It's so hard to see. 

It's hard to believe that all of this happened because of something that no one could've prevented.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this.

But we could've survived it, if you gave us a chance.

If you didn't try to conquer all your nightmares alone.

We were a team. Why didn't you accept my help? Why did you push me away?

Don't you think that I was affected as much as you?

Every time I heard you crying in the bathroom, I was crying in our bedroom.

I tried to put up a strong front for you, but now I can't hold it up.

I'm telling you, I'm a mess.

Why didn't you let us heal together?

You didn't give us a chance, but now I'm giving you a chance.

A chance to help us forgive and forget.

I'm leaving.

While you're reading this now, know that I'm on a train to a place we wanted to go to together.

You know our checklist?

Do you remember were we hid it?

If you don't, search for it.

We wanted to go to many places, but this one was a special one.

If you came to were I'm going, this means that you want to start from the beginning.

We can pass this together.

Bennett"

My hands don't stop shaking as my tears fall, staining the paper.

Why?

Why did he leave?

He could've given me time. I know I can heal. He doesn't feel what I'm feeling. He didn't go through as much as what i went through. I could've healed if he waited. But he had to up and leave. 

Sobs rake through my body. Hands trembling, I try to wipe away my tears. But they don't stop falling. How can they stop when he's not here anymore? Not here to pull me to him as he whispers sweet nothings in my ear. Not hear to run his hand through my hair, then start complaining about how my hair is too long.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I love you."