How Do I Love?

Chapter 6: I'm Not Stupid

"Gemma I'm so sorry that happened to you. Are you okay?" It's the first thing Lili's said since I started talking.

"It's okay, I'm fine. I honestly just don't know what I would've done if Silas hadn't shown up," I said.

Lili and I had been sitting at our table for a solid hour or so as I told her what had happened last night. She was unusually quiet and her unreadable expression made me feel a thousand times more nervous. The biggest reaction I had gotten from her were a few wayward tears she shed as I told her how scared I was of Rey. But those tears ran dry after I told her Silas was at my window. For some reason I kept forcing back an overwhelming need to cry. I don't know if it was from having to relive the story or from an unresponsive Lili, but I would let myself cry. She's never been so silent. I keep searching her eyes, trying to read her, though she stares blankly.

"Gemma this isn't a good idea," she finally responds.

"What?"

"You and Silas." The seriousness in her face chilled my body and I felt my soul ache at her words. "He's tortured you, non stop since the 8th. Grade. Some of the things he's said to you over the years are as nasty as they come. You'd have to be stupid to ever think you have feelings for him," she said coldly, almost laughing, and takes a sip of her coffee. "My coffee is cold, I'm gonna go get a new one. You want anything?"

That's it? That's all you have to say? I shake my head as she gets up to grab another coffee. Did she completely ignore everything else that I told her? How he helped me? How deeply he spoke and resonated with me? Of course, I had only touched briefly on that piece. Her words felt like sharp knives carving at my heart. I'm not stupid. Clearly she doesn't understand. Maybe if I explain to her a bit more, she'd get it. After all, I had to take out crucial pieces of what Silas had told me last night. It wasn't my place to tell her what he had said. Maybe if I told her a little pa -No Gemma. It still isn't your place. I remembered how vulnerable and desolate Silas looked as he explained the story of his mother. I can't do that to him.

"Hey Gem," I heard a soft voice say. The warmth of their words pulled me out of thought and brought forth the tears from behind their bay. Looking up I saw a worrisome Joe standing above me. I couldn't say anything as I looked at him. My mind had fled the scene and all I felt was my heart. An aching, sore, bruised heart. "Oh Gemma," he said sympathetically as I rushed up to hug him. I sunk into his chest while I stood there crying. Thankfully the shop wasn't too busy at the moment because the sight of my sobs must have been pitiful.

"I didn't know you missed me that much," he joked. I looked up and smiled at his wholesome face. "I was gonna come say hi earlier but you looked like you were in deep conversation. I didn't wanna interrupt. What's wrong Gem?"

"Something stupid," I brushed off. I don't want to talk about it anymore. What if he says the same thing Lili just threw at me? "I just want to go home."

"Hey Joe," Lili said happily. Did everything I told her fly over her head?

Joe turned to her voice but kept an arm around me. I think I might fall if he lets go. "Hey Lili," he responded. Lili looked at me and to my surprise, she looked confused as to why I had been crying. Seriously?

"You okay Gem?" Did she really just ask that?

"Fine."

"You wanna head back home?"

I think Joe must have felt that I didn't want to be around her because he answered for me. "If it's okay with you Lili, I'm gonna take her home." The hint of sass in his voice made me feel like he got what I felt.

"Uhm yeah that's fine. Gem did you need me to stick aro-"

"Oh it's okay, don't worry about it Lili. You can head home, I'll take care of her. Promise," Joe said.