the only thing harder than having depression-
is acting like you don't have depression.
my boyfriend had asked me what was one thing i disliked most about myself.
i limited myself to two things — telling him my nose and my thighs.
but what i didn't tell him was that i hate the sound of my laugh. or the way i look when i laugh.
the way i walk, and my body posture.
my body itself and how it reflects back to me in the mirror.
the thing with me is i swallow my words and keep them hidden in my throat.
that's what i was taught to do.
bury the pain so my tears can help it grow.
but the feeling of his palm on the small of my back, doesn't make me anxious and unsure.
it was different,
this didn't want to make me crawl back into myself, but rather into the curves of him.
with threaded fingers and a contented sigh,
you feel worth more than what i had lost.
