i have yet to learn that just because something has happened in the past, doesn't mean it'll happen again.
but there was something different about you.
most make me anxious and unsure,
with you, i feel safe.
i want to crawl into the curves of you and feel the warmth of your hands on the small of my back.
usually, i prepare for the worst.
and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3 AM is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken.
my heartbreak was more like 10 AM on a Wednesday morning, standing in my kitchen looking at the glass window above the sink.
my chai tea, once hot, is now bitter because i don't know what to do with my hands anymore.
loving him was like loving a venus flytrap.
i loved him through everything — i even loved him when he made me not love myself.
but his "i love you's" held their own empty truth.
the only ones holding their own weight we're the times he told me he loved the way my eyes looked when they were uncomfortable.
i'm no longer the same uncomfortable girl that was hopelessly in love with him.
my heart was so used to balancing on the tightrope it was placed on.
your eyes are slowly becoming my favorite new safety net,
but i have yet to let myself decide if the fall is worth it.
