Touched by the Fear

[9]

The school day had passed without incident. It had been a quiet day, save for Allison wondering why Scott hadn't apologized and Lydia who insisted she should give up on him. Somehow, Hollis had become the mediator for the two.

Gathering her books, Hollis shoved them into her bag before she closed her locker. She started down the busy hallway, nerves fluttering about in her stomach at the thought of the conversation awaiting her and her dad. As she passed by a classroom, a hand reached out and pulled her inside. Before she could react, the door to the room closed, and she stood face to face with Carter.

"Let me out," Hollis demanded. She reached for the handle but Carter was faster. He placed his hand on the door, refraining her from opening it. "I'm serious, Carter." She turned to face him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"So am I," he said, taking a step towards her. "Just hear me out, Hollis."

Rolling her eyes, she took a deep breath and let it out. "What do you want?" She questioned, although she had an idea of what it was.

He took a few steps back, holding his hands up. "I just want to talk. To apologize and explain everything."

"I'm not ready to talk. I told you that this morning."

"Then don't talk," Carter said. "Just listen."

Hollis knew that he wouldn't give up, so she nodded. "Fine," she paused. "But I don't think it'll make a difference. You can't just undo everything by saying you're sorry."

"No, I know. But..." He stayed quiet for a few seconds as if contemplating what to say. "I never wanted to hurt you, Hollis. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I know it seems as if I haven't been there for you these past few months but I was. I..." He trailed off. "I wanted you to stop hurting, and I didn't know what to do."

"You could have just been there," Hollis said. "That's all that I wanted from you, Carter. For you to be there when I needed you the most." She looked up at him. "I've been by your side through everything. No matter what it was, I never complained. I was there for you but when I needed you, you were burdened by it all."

"I was there for you. It didn't seem like it though, I know, but you're right. I just didn't know that would be enough." Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed. "Look, I wanted you to move on and stop hurting, Hollis. I just thought that if I could ignore it, if I could get you to go out and have fun and be surrounded by your friends, that you would be okay." Pausing, Carter looked at her. "In my own messed up way, I thought I was helping you but turns out I acted like a jerk."

Hollis took in his words, the distrust on her face fading slowly. "I guess that makes sense," she admitted. But, upon seeing a smile take place on his face, she continued. "But it doesn't excuse what you said on Friday." She shook her head, incredulous. "I understand that you were trying to help me but those words hurt. If everything you just said was true then how could you have said that I was a burden you put up with? That my parents death was inconvenient for you? I mean, it contradicts everything you just said."

Carter's smile faltered and he hung his head. "I know," he said quietly, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. "I want to blame all of that on the alcohol." He held up his hand to keep her from interrupting. "I wish I could but I won't...I can't. I guess part of me meant what I said. I was pissed off because the help I thought I was giving you wasn't working but that's no excuse. I screwed up."

She stayed quiet. His words floated around in her head, and she didn't know what to make of them. She wanted to believe him, to trust him but how? "I get it, Carter, but..." Trailing off, she shrugged helplessly.

Stepping forward, he placed his hands on her arms. "Just give me a second chance. I promise to be there for you like I should've been."

"I-I don't know, Carter," she told him.