Finding Myself Abroad

Chapter VI

The alarm sounded, rousing me from my slumber. I wearily reached a hand out of my blanket and shut it off. I closed my eyes, thinking for a moment of all the things I had to do.  I needed to turn in an essay. I needed to make sure I had my notes for a test. It was open note, so that was something.

I got up, and shuffled to the bathroom. I flicked on the overhead, squinting into the mirror. My reflection squinted back at me. Stubble coated my chin, and my blond hair was down to something that was much more manageable.

I got into the shower. I scrubbed myself and rinsed.  Hanging my towel up after I dried off, I went back to my room naked. Ma had been working graveyards at the diner, and then the opening shift at a store.  I wasn't afraid that she'd be here to see me.

Walking to school, I used the quiet time to reflect on the last few years. I thought of Mike and how his compliments started me on the road to self pleasure. It had taken some time, but eventually we compared lengths together. I was much bigger and thicker than he was.  We had kissed some more, did some touching. It felt good, but only served to make me more confused about what I felt.

I was still trying to understand myself. Though ma had said I'd find myself, I felt like I had a long way to go. I missed Mike. Though we went to the same junior high, we lived in different boundaries for high school. We had become good friends. I'd spent the night at his place many times. He'd spent the night with me a few times. Since the floor wasn't comfortable, we'd shared the bed, snuggled together for warmth, and to keep from falling off. It had been nice to snuggle, but I was still confused about why I liked it. I should have been normal. That meant with girls, right?

We'd kissed, and it felt okay. But I'd also been asked to a dance by a girl the previous year. We'd kissed under the basketball rim as we'd danced in the gym, and it felt okay as well, but less okay than with Mike. Maybe it was because I'd known Mike better. I still couldn't puzzle things out.

I was looking forward to Spanish. It was an advanced course. I'd still been able to easily learn and digest everything as if it was second nature.

"Do you have your essay, Roen?" Mister Keldon asked.

"Here it is. All finished. I'm nervous to turn it in. It's for something big. Not for a grade."

"Oh I know," my teacher said. "But if it's good enough, it'll get you the Donnelley-Williams scholarship so you can spend a semester in Spain."

I wanted to see the world. I'd yet to leave our state. Ma was always working, and we had never gone anywhere together. When I told her I could win a chance to go to Spain, she said to never mind that I'd go without her, and go seek the best future I could. I'd been working on the essay all month, and Mister Keldon would submit it on my behalf.

He'd told me about the all expense paid scholarship a few weeks into the year when he saw I was easily his best student. As a junior in high school, I needed his recommendation for consideration. When I'd protested that I didn't have the money to get a passport, he said he'd pay for me if I won. The scholarship covered everything but the fee for a passport. I was glad the scholarship included plenty of spending money as well. Since I was still from a poorer family, Keldon had said it was perfect for me.

Taking my seat, I knew there was nothing else I could do but wait. I didn't know exactly how long it would take before I got the letter saying I'd received it or not. The days dragged by as I waited. My routine didn't change. I got up, got ready for school, and after school let out, I stopped at the mailboxes for the apartments. Each time, my hands shook with nervousness. Each time, I didn't find a letter addressed to me.

More days passed. Ma said I was driving her crazy, because I'd spent part of the night pacing back and forth, waiting for the next day to check the mail again. Finally, as I got home on a Friday, I found the letter. It came in a stiff white envelope, my name printed in neat capitol letters on the outside.

Getting inside, I shut the door and laid the envelope on the table. I had been waiting for so long to get it, I was too scared to open it. Finally, ma came back home and saw that it was still on the table.

"Well?" She queried, raising an eyebrow.

"I...I haven't opened it, ma. Too scared. What if I didn't get it?  All this for nothing."

"Do you want me to open it?"

"Please."  I prowled around room as ma got a knife and carefully opened the envelope. She began reading."

"Dear Mister Bauer, we have received your application for the Donnelley-Williams scholarship for a semester to study abroad in Spain.  Each year we receive applications from many qualified students."

Stopping, I pressed my forehead against the wall. The way it was going, it sounded like they were trying to let me down gently.

"Though we receive many applications from many bright students, we can choose only one. This year, we are pleased to announce that you have been selected to receive the scholarship!" Ma shouted out the last part.

My heart kicked into high gear, and I dashed over to the table and reread the letter to make sure ma was correct. My stomach did flips as I saw it there in black and white that I would be going to Spain. 

"Roen!  My boy!  You're going to Spain!  You did it!"

"Ma!  I'm gong  to Spain!  I got it!  I did it!"

Ma and I spent the night rereading the acceptance letter and instructions on how to confirm our acceptance. The next day, I ran all the way to school. I got there way earlier than normal.

Mister Keldon's door was locked meaning he wasn't there yet. Drumming my fingers on my thighs, I impatiently waited. Finally, I saw him walking down the hall, a mug of coffee in his hand.

"Roen, you seem bananas about something. What's up?"

"I got the letter!  I got the Spain!  I'm going to scholarship!  I Spain a semester letter!"  I was thoroughly giving the English language a beating because of my excitement, but Keldon understood.

"Way to go!  I'm proud of you!" Mister Keldon smiled and clapped me on my back with his free hand.

That afternoon, Mister Keldon gave me a ride to ma's work.  We picked her up and went to the post office. He paid the fee for the passport application, and I had my picture taken. The person who took down my information said we'd get it in the mail in about six weeks.

Soon, I received the initial itinerary in the mail. Ma and I studied it, looking at the flight numbers, the times, and the destinations.

"You're flying to New York first. Then to London?  I would have thought there'd be a direct flight to Spain."

"Mister Keldon said we're stopping in London to link up with a Spanish class there and then we're going to Spain together. To help us not feel so homesick, we're going to be rooming together in the houses of volunteer host families."

"Sounds good," ma said, wiping her eyes. She embraced me. She was happy I got such an opportunity, but this would be the first time we'd been apart for so long.

When it was time for the flight, ma and I took the bus to the airport. I had a big duffel bag for my checked baggage.  I also had a backpack with stuff to entertain me on the long flight. Ma held tight to me until I was checked in at the airline desk. I would be flying alone until I met with other students in New York.

I hugged and kissed ma on her cheek when it was close to my turn to present my boarding pass and passport to the TSA agent at the podium. She got out of line, and watched as I went through security. Biting the inside of my cheek to keep from crying, I waved to ma. I could still kind of see her. She waved back. She turned away to catch the bus back to the city. I turned away to find my departure gate.

This was it. The moment I was waiting for. To go abroad and study. To learn more. To get opportunities that I had earned. Who knew?  Maybe I'd find myself abroad.