Self-help

Page 3

I wish every breath was my last but at the same time I want to hold on so bad. I want to hold on for all the people I promised I would for. I want to hold on to prove everyone wrong and how them that even though I may be broken now, I can still be fixed and it's not too late for me to change my plans and turn things around... I hope.

But there's a problem, I'm not strong enough. I used all my strength on 'smiling' and helping others before I could even help myself, which landed me even deeper. And because I have no strength left, I can't climb up, I can't get myself up. People reach their hands down to grab me and pull me back up to the surface but I don't want to take them because what if the weight of my thoughts are too heavy and it pulls them down as well?

After all, that's what happened to me. So who's to say it won't happen again? And I'm not being responsible for someone going down that path, I refuse. I won't let that happen, ever, even if it kills me.

I guess all I can do for now is sit here in a constant daydream, thinking and searching for the answer to all this before it's too late.

The thing is, I know that people don't see me how I see myself. Because in reality, we're always going to see ourselves in a darker light. We're our own worst critics and our own worst enemy. But that doesn't change the facts. That doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to ditch my negative views of myself, but trust me, I'm trying.

I just don't particularly want to try anymore. And the only reason I am is for the people who seem to care.