Self-help

Page 8

One thing I've noticed is that most people can't accept that they've hurt you. They play the guilt card and completely turn things around. Well I finally stood up to this, but I lost a friend.

It's sad to think that they'd rather lose me than just apologise for hurting me and giving me a bit of a hand to help me regain my balance.

This person I'm talking about, we've been through a ton of shit together and I really thought he would understand I do actually have feelings and I do get hurt by his words. But no, instead he treated me like shit, pushing me away, then expecting to still see me standing right next to him when he's left me behind.

And I did for a very long time, but he took it for granted and kept seeing how far he could go. I stood up and spoke back to him for the first time and what did he do? He acted like I'd cut out his heart and dropped it on the floor. 

I can't deal with his mind games and manipulation anymore and I know that I should just leave but it's more complicated than that.

Believe it or not, he was there for me when no one else was. Stuck by me when others walked away. He assured me that he would never leave but then he did, and when he came back, he came back a different person.

I'm cautious about simply going because there's no one else there for him. I'm the only one he goes to for help. But why do I help him when all he does is drag me down  further with every passing comment that he slips in to punch me right in the face.

I've tried to cut him out, I have. But he always comes back needing help and I hate letting people down because I know what it feels like. I hate what it feels like because it stings like a bitch.

The one you thought would always be there, suddenly gone without a trace. You're left thinking to yourself 'not again...'