In her mind ~Watty's 2018~

~2~

Maria sighed as she stepped off the bus that afternoon, every step she took feeling heavier than the last. 'Pick up the pace you know you want this.' Karen sighed, obviously impatient with how Maria was walking. As soon as the door was closed Maria seemed to go on autopilot, immediately going to her room as fast as her legs could carry her.

'Someone's eager. What's it been since you last cut? 72 hours? That's far too long. You know the drill.' Karen gleefully said. She was always happy, always eager with anticipation, she loved this part. She took great pleasure in her pain.

Maria sniffled softly, violently throwing her backpack and jacket on the floor before going to her dresser, sifting through the mess of clothes in search of her blade. She grinned, letting out a relieved laugh as she felt it with her fingertips. 'Go to the bathroom.' Karen spoke quickly, knowing that blood on the floor would be a problem. Maria nodded obediently, walking to the bathroom as quickly as she could.

Maria was silent as she moved to sit on the toilet, staring at the cold piece of metal in her hands. 'What are you waiting for?' Karen spoke up, egging her on. "I just. I can't do my wrist. It's getting hotter out and I can't wear long sleeves for much longer." Marie stumbled over her words, the blade feeling heavier in her hands with every word.

'Tch, then slice your thighs. You still know how to do that right?' Karen mocked, watching as Maria slowly tugged her pants down, exposing her pale legs, the tops of her thighs were littered with scars.

Maria let out a shaky breath as she touched her skin, gently pressing the blade tightly against the skin before clenching her hand and jerking her arm. She let out a hiss as the pain hit first but soon grinned as the pain melted into ecstasy, if only for a moment. 'Good. Again.' Karen ordered, and Maria did just that.

Minutes later she finally stopped, her hand slightly bloody from her actions. She had always hated the smell of blood, it was awful and overpowering. But it was worth it, the pain, the blood, the scars, it was all worth that one moment of clarity. Everything was worth it.

~~~

After all the blood had stopped, Maria finally stood up and peeled off the rest of her clothes and got in the shower, letting the hot water wash over her wounds. She found some comfort in the singing sensation the water gave her. It made her feel alive. Like she wasn't this empty shell she felt like. 'That was nice, a new collection of scars for that hideous husk you call a body.' Karen chirped.

Maria let out a heartwrenching sob as Karen spoke, her emotions finally pouring out after weeks of holding everything in. She sank to the ground, hugging her knee's tightly to her chest as she sobbed. 'Oh Shut up! Why are you so weak? It's pathetic, crying here on the ground.' Karen hissed. Maria sobbed once more before screaming at the top of her lungs "Get out of my head!!!!!" She cried.

~~~~~

Maria sniffled as she dragged herself to her room, her head pounding inside her skull. "Ow." she murmured to herself as she pulled on some clothes, not bothering to worry about dealing with her family or dinner. Karen watched in silence as Maria climbed in her bed and buried herself beneath the blankets. 'You think that's a good idea Mar?' Karen warned halfheartedly. Maria simply nodded, her every movement was slow and ungraceful. Her entire body ached with sleep deprivation, every muscle(even muscles she didn't know she had) was stiff and sore. "Just-" She yawned, "Just a few minutes, that's all I need." Her eyes fluttered closed and in seconds she was asleep.

~~~~~~(The Dream)~~~~

(A/N: Im just going to say one thing. Most of this book is based on me, and what I go through, as is the dream you are about to read. I am going to describe this in as much detail as I am comfortable with, so if you are sensitive to things such as abuse or mentions of sexual assault please skip to the next chapter.)

Maria woke up in the dream as she always did. She slowly looked around herself, taking in the room around her. She was in a rather large room, it was white, or at least it used to be. The walls were caked in what looked to be like a mixture of dirt and blood. The walls were lined with tools, each one sharper than the next. And each one caked in someone's blood. There was a spotlight above her, the only light in the room, the blinding white like managed to make her feel even more exposed.

In the middle of this room was where Maria was, she was strapped to a bed, her legs were free but her hands were tightly bound, her arms spread to the point of them feeling like they might break if they were any tighter. An eerie feeling fell over her as her ears adjusted to the silence, goosebumps rising up on her exposed skin.

CLANG CLANG CLANG

The sound of metal hitting metal echoed through the room she was in, it wasn't regular enough to be done by a machine. He was taunting her. He knew she was awake. He knew everything about her.

Maria frantically started to look around for an escape, a whimper escaped her lips as she tugged on her arms, trying to free her wrists from the hard shackles she was locked in.

"Tch Tch, such a bad girl." A deep voice spoke from the end of the bed. "Always trying to leave me." He chuckled darkly, his fingertips ghosting over her foot as he walked into the light, his frame towered above her and the bed. "Now you know that behavior can't go unpunished."The grin in his voice was enough to make her skin crawl. He shivered with pleasure as he saw the state she was in, his fingers trailing up her legs and to her hips before drawing gentle circles on her skin, his jagged nails leaving tiny red marks in their wake.

"I-" Maria tried to speak, a stinging pain in her cheek stopping her before she could say any more. "Did I say you could speak?!" He thundered, his hands gripping her jaw tight so tight she was sure the bruises would take weeks to heal.

"Anwer me!" He demanded, now moving so he was hovering over Maria on his hands and knees. "No sir.." She whispered, knowing exactly what was coming next. "All i ask is for complete submission. Is that so hard?" He growled, sitting up on his knees to give him room to tear his clothes off his body. "You did this to yourself." He growled.