DEAR DIARY | JIKOOK

entry no. 40

"can i talk to you outside?" the doctor asked you as my eyes started drooping to a close.

we were at the hospital for just a simple check up and after the doctor did all the regular tests he asked to talk to you outside.

meaning away from me...

so i couldn't hear.

it must be bad right? if it wasn't bad then he would just say it, wouldn't he?

my eyes filled with tears as you left the room, the door being shut behind you. the tears slipped down my cheeks and onto the bed.

i was too tired to wipe them away and i knew that had to be bad.

moving made me even more tired and i was just physically and mentally tired all the time.

i haven't been able to write to you because of how tired ive been and im so afraid that i'll never get to do it again.

the door opened again and taehyung walked in, smiling at me.

"hey kook, just came to check in. how've you been?" he asked, helping me sit up. "tired." i whispered and wiped my eyes.

"can you do something for me tae?" i asked and taehyung nodded. "in my room, in my desk i have a diary... can you get it for me and bring it here? i need to write something in it." i said and taehyung nodded again, biting his lip.

"sure kookie. i'll be right back then. the guys are coming up to see you soon." taehyung said and i nodded slowly.

he left and i started crying again.

the guys never come up... i must be dying. they can't save me but at least i tried.

i tried so hard and that's all that matters.

not much time passed before all the guys were piling in my room with huge smiles on their faces.

"hey kookie, how ya feeling?" jin hyung asked and i didn't even bother wiping my tears. "im so tired." i whispered and jin wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"we know. you're so strong kook." he said and i hummed.

the door opened again and both jimin and taehyung entered. taehyung handed me my diary and i thanked him.

jimin leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead as i opened my diary.

"you can't look jimin." i whispered and he nodded, backing away.

i grabbed onto the pen and sighed, finding it hard to hold it firmly in my hand like im used to doing.

"you can tell me guys." i looked at them and they all looked down except jimin. "i don't want to hear it from the doctor jimin." i said and he bit his lip as tears filled in his eyes.

"you're not gonna make it baby. you tried and we love you for that because you truly tried for us and yourself. we're gonna miss you so much." jimin said and i let the tears fall down my face.

-

dear diary,

thank you.

i love you jimin.

maybe i can't spend this forever with you but maybe in some other life we'll meet again and i won't have something that's trying to kill me slowly.

i'll just have you.

you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

i don't know what else to say...

please don't cry.