"I don't see why it's such a big deal that I want to go out!" Jeongguk huffed, narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend.
Namjoon twisted his hands nervously, shaking his head a little. He'd spent the last hour with Jeongguk arguing over whether the othe...
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- They were arguing again — Jeongguk and Namjoon — for what seemed like the thousandth time this week. In fact, all they did was argue, lately. From whether or not one of them had left the water boiling, to if Namjoon had taken Jeongguk's sock (which he hadn't). It was always something petty and small, not at all justifiable if they were to think about what exactly they were arguing over. At the moment, it just happened to be Jeongguk's entertainment choices.
"I really don't think you should go..." Namjoon mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed as he watched Jeongguk get dressed for another night in some shady bar across town.
"I'm a grown man, Namjoon. I think I should be able to make my own decisions." Jeongguk bit back; in an unnecessarily condescending tone.
"I just... I would feel much more comfortable if you didn't go." He finally admitted, his hands nervously fiddling with their sheets.
"What is with you lately?" Jeongguk asked, exasperated, as he dropped his shoes back on the floor. "You tell me to have fun, and then you don't want me to go. Make up your mind!"
Namjoon flinched at the sudden rising of Jeongguk's voice, not at all expecting him to begin yelling. "I just... isn't there anything else that you'd like to do for fun? Maybe we co-"
"Namjoon. If I can do it at home, then it isn't fucking fun." Jeongguk muttered, lacing up his boots. "You always get like this when I'm getting ready to go out, I just want to breath-"
"It's because I'm pregnant, you fucking dick!" Namjoon shouted suddenly, shocking them both.
Quickly, he made a beeline for the bathroom; slamming the door shut and leaving his stunned fiancé on the other side. Considering his circumstances, you would think Namjoon to be the initiator of most arguments. But he just wasn't. In fact, he didn't even have to heart to tell Jeongguk anything, on most nights. He stayed up alone, fixing their apartment.
Namjoon had only begun to cry, when there was a soft knock on the door. Only one other person lived in the house, so it was obvious that the younger male wanted to talk.
"What do you want?" He asked, hurriedly trying to wash the redness away from his face.
"Joon, we should talk."
"Now you want to talk?! Now — after all the arguing — you want to talk? For what? To tell me that you 'just want to breathe'? Or maybe you're going to tell me that it's not fucking fun; just being home with me, where I know that you're okay at? I'm fucking tired, Jeongguk." Namjoon suddenly snapped, his breath going a little ragged as another wave of sadness hit him.
The other side was silent, but he knew that Jeongguk hadn't left. His shadow was still peeking from under the door, and Namjoon could still feel his presence. Not a word was spoken between the two.
"I'm keeping the baby," Namjoon spoke up, once again. "I'm keeping it, and you can't tell me a damn thing, Jeon Jeongguk. After all the shit you've been putting me through this month, all the stress. I don't want to hear anything. If you want to leave, leave."
He could hear the way his partners breath stuttered, before the doorknob gently jiggled. "C'mon, angel. We need to talk. It's not good for the baby."
Namjoon wanted to scream that it wasn't good for him, either. But he couldn't bring himself to. This was just a bump in their relationship. They'd never argued before this month. Everything between the two of them was always relaxed and comfortable. Whatever it was that had them at each other's throats; it wasn't them. It could be worked around. God, did Namjoon want it to be worked around. After two years with Jeongguk; he'd hope that the other male would be someone he could always rely on.
He unlocked the door.
-
It was silent for what seemed like forever. The two of them sat across from each other, but did not speak. They were at a loss for words; having already used their vocabulary in a crossfire of unspoken differences. They had used all that was meant to say, in an attack on one another, that left both sides wounded. There was no victor. Even when Jeongguk's body started to tremble, and the soft sound of his cries filled the room; Namjoon did not feel like a victor. Not after he had spent the last week in a constant struggle against the person meant for his side.
"When did you find out?" Jeongguk asked, wiping at his face in an attempt to gain composure.
"Last week," he admitted softly, too afraid that being any louder would raise Jeongguk's defensive flags.
"And you didn't tell me?" The younger male asked in shock, glancing down at Namjoon's — still flat — tummy.
"It was supposed to be a surprise over breakfast this morning. You argued with me over whether I added enough sugar in your coffee, instead. I didn't have the time." Jeongguk's cried started up again, louder than before. Namjoon blinked at him.
"D-do you know how far along you are?" He asked, inching forward to put a gentle hand against Namjoon's stomach; his smile watery as he let out a choked sound.
"8 weeks, I think." Namjoon let Jeongguk do what he needed to, running a soothing hand through the others hair.
He knew why they were arguing. With the slowdown of work opportunities that Namjoon was receiving — the less tracks he put out — the tighter their budget had been. They'd scraped off of Jeongguk's job, but even then, the man was still a college student. He was still naive, and stressed with the pressure of exams. They'd had to shut their cable off, already, and settle for the same movies they'd already watched on Netflix. Every little luxury that they were used to having, was becoming a struggle to obtain.
"Namjoon," Jeongguk looked up with wet eyes. "What are we going to do? I don't make enough." He could feel the stress that seemed to radiate off the other, and frowned a little, himself.
"I'll get a real job, something at a desk, where I can make good money. I can compose and write on the side. We'll be okay, baby." It was all that Namjoon could promise for now. But he wasn't giving up on Jeongguk, or their child. Not yet. Not ever.
"You're pregnant. You can't have all of that stress. I'll- I'll ask Baekhyun hyung about working at his bakery, part time. I can switch my classes to night, and take a longer shift at the restaurant." Everything sounded so desperate. So hopeful.
"Baby. Hey. We're going to be okay." That was all he could promise for now.
-
Woo, okay, so that's the longest first chapter that I have ever written! This is very different from the one shot, since this will start at the discovery of Namjoon's pregnancy — whereas, in the oneshot — they were already more secure with their position in life.
What do you guys think? I felt like a lot of the time, when people write about couples and children; they often leave out the struggle that most people feel, or even the small strains of uncertainty. I tried to capture that, here.
