Charulata's Diary | On Going |

It's Time To Fulfill Your Words

                                         Sunday
                                        22|04|2018

11:02 pm

This universe works in a very strange way. The ninety percent of this universe is, still, unimaginable, undiscovered, beyond all the logics. I read somewhere that every human has a whole universe in every one of them.
Is that why, sometimes, humans behave in a way that is incomprehensible? That is unimaginable and beyond all the logics?

When, I woke up this morning, I couldn't look myself in the mirror. The girl, in front of me, was just a shadow, wrapped in a thin skin.
But I didn't do anything to deserve this kind of hell, did I?
So, I had to do something to get myself out of this misery.

Either you can love someone or you can't, if the feelings are genuine. But when you are trying to love someone, there has to be a purpose or a motive. That can never be genuine.

So, I had to know the answers, the real ones. I had to know if anything were real between us, ever. I had to know if I am the only one who's going through this pain.
I had to know, what had happened that the person who proposed me for marriage, a day before, broke up with me the next day.

When I was standing in front of his house my legs were shaking. I wasn't able to move. So, I just stood there and waited to have my strength back before pressing the calling bell.

I had no idea that the answers I was going to have, inside, would change my every perspective.

When, Sidharth's mother opened the door, I heard some voices, inside, one of them was Sidharth's.

Do you know what I see inside?

Sidharth was sitting on the sofa and a girl was sitting beside him, both were laughing about something. None of them saw me, until, his mother called him to say, I came to meet him.
The look on Sidharth's face, when he saw me, was such a horror that I thought he had seen a ghost.

But I wasn't shocked, seeing his horrific expression. I knew, he didn't want to meet me, so this kind of expression was obvious.
I was shocked, seeing the way he was laughing with that girl, like nothing had happened; like everything was normal in his world.

But what I heard, a moment later was a real blow. When the girl came to me and introduced herself as Sidharth's girlfriend.

Do you know, who that girl was?

Shalini. Shalini Mahajan.

Sidharth's ex girlfriend. Who didn't seem like an ex, anymore.

I couldn't shake her hand, I couldn't say HI to her, I couldn't even look at her.

I was just looking at Sidharth. To the man, whom I loved so much and who, even two days ago, did claim that he loved me too.

I couldn't decide which one was true?
The one that I saw and heard in his house or what I shared with him for the last two years?

Everything, the whole world, felt a Big Fat lie to me.

But I didn't cry. Nope.
I didn't even let any emotion reflect on my face.
I hid it, perfectly.

I just took some steps back, before running out of the door. I wanted to go as far as possible from him.
No answers were required, anymore.
Because there was nothing true, ever, that much I did understand and that was enough. 

I heard him calling my name, behind me, but I didn't look back. I didn't care anymore.

I just ran.....as fast as possible.....as far as possible...I ran, until my lungs gave up.