NINE
Indigo
This would be two years closer to today.
I’ve given up my habit of wearing blue. I gave it up two years ago, actually. The day after Evelyn told me Alanna means “ugly fat girl,” I stopped caring. I still have Blueberry, though. It’s impossible for me to get to sleep without her.
Also, I wear clothes that match now. Today my outfit consists of a perfectly nice red shirt and tan shorts. Now I get why Mom always groaned when she saw my outfits. She has lots of pictures of me when I was in second grade, and they hurt my eyes. I have braces now, too, but I’m getting them off in a few months. I’m the only nine-year-old I know with braces.
The bus shudders to a stop at the corner of my street. Twisting my indigo beaded bracelet, I put my foot on the first step, straddling the curb. I grip the handrails and swing my other foot onto the step. The doors shut behind me.
I’m the only one who takes the bus on my block, because most kids on this street go to an elementary school right by us. I choiced into Bellecreek Elementary School, whatever “choice in” means, and it’s pretty far away. Mom says I choiced in because I’m smart, and Bellecreek has a special program for me, but I doubt it. I got four out of ten on my spelling test last Friday.
Inside the bus, I choose a seat next to my BFFAEAE, Sarah C. BFFAEAE is an acronym we coined, the definition of which is “Best Friend Forever And Ever And Ever.”
Sarah C. is beautiful. She has shiny chestnut-colored hair, smooth skin smudged with freckles, and big eyes with irises so dark, you can hardly see her pupil.
She looks nothing like me.
...So strange, how I carefully filed away every detail of everyone’s appearance...compared them to myself...
“Hi, Alanna!” Sarah says brightly. “Lookit this book I got!” She holds up an absolute tome and exclaims, “It has three hundred whole pages!”
“Wow,” I say in awe. “That’s why you’re in the advanced reading group.”
Sarah smiles back as Sara P. plops onto the seat next to me.
Sara P. has the softest curly blonde hair and a sunshiny smile. “You look pretty today,” I tell her, just a touch wistfully.
Gigging, she says, “Thanks. So do you!”
I laugh too loud. “Nyuh-uh!”
...I should have just accepted her compliment...I wish I would have...maybe I’d have changed everything right then...
“You do so.”
“You always say that, Alanna.” Sarah C. now. “But you’re beautiful!”
“Nyuh-uh. You guys are soooo pretty. I’m like a little troll.” Inside I’m screaming at myself to stop complaining and believe them, but it’s so hard once you get started. “I’m just a fat ugly girl.” My laughter sounds forced, but my friends can’t know that I’m not joking, so I don’t stop myself.
“Alanna! You’re not ugly!” Sara P. insists.
Listen to her, I command myself. My heart is breaking. Listen to your friends, Alanna. I twist my indigo bracelet around and around. The purple beads catch the sun. This bracelet is another gift from Daddy; I think of him now, with his strong belly laugh. I think of how much he loves me. Taking a deep, even breath, I say, “Okay, okay. You guys are right.” I smile, a real smile this time. Both seem relieved, and they start laughing and poking me. I join their cheer.
But inside I think that friends also “hafta” say you look good.
YOU ARE READING
Spectrum
Teen Fiction>>>>TRIGGER WARNING<<<< Alanna Moore has been the ugly, fat girl for as long as she can remember. Evelyn Pry is slim, trim, and beautiful. Who better to ask for advice? Evelyn tells her to eat less. And Alanna realizes that starving herself isn't so...
