THIRTEEN
Acid
I still can’t fathom why I ditched my true friends for Evelyn.
I’m opening Sarah’s and my locker when she ambushes me from behind and puts her hands over my eyes. “Guess who,” she says amiably.
“Justin Bieber.” I pry her hands off my face.
She laughs. “Believe it or not, you’re wrong.”
“You’re all better now, Sarah?” I ask, shoving my binder into our locker. She must have got to school only a minute ago, probably having still been sick this morning, because it’s already ten minutes into lunch. The halls are empty except for us. I had to retake a test after class, which is why I’m late too.
“Yes, I’m fine.” She takes a look at me and frowns. “You don’t look like you feel great, though.”
“Oh--” I realize my fingers, topped with nails painted acid-green, are shaking a little. “I’m fine.” Honestly, I feel awful. I pretended not to be feeling well enough to eat dinner last night. This morning I grabbed an apple as I ran out the door, but it was a charade for my parents. I dropped it in the gutter as soon as I was out of their eyesight. My head is spinning.
“Okay. Are you sure?”
“Totally, totally.”
Sarah crams her homework folder into the top shelf, awarded to her because she’s so tall. “Do you have any chocolate for lunch? Can you share?”
Oh, no. What should I tell her? I think as I accidentally knock my brick-like math textbook out of the locker and onto my foot. I’m starting to feel a little panicky. How can I tell her what I’ve been doing? How can I tell anyone?
Sarah’s my best friend, though. She’ll understand why I’m trying the diet. The only question is if she’ll understand my hanging out with Evelyn, master of thumbing her nose at others.
“The truth is...” I sigh. “I’m trying out this new thing. Just a little diet.”
“Oh, cool.” Sarah smiles; she knows how many diets I’ve considered. “What did you end up with?”
“Uh, just a little bit of a liquid diet,” I mumble.
“A what? A liquid diet?” Sarah slams the locker and starts to hurry down the hall. It’s too bad this is lunch, rather than a class we don’t share. Otherwise I could escape. “How does that work?”
“It’s easy. No solid food, that’s all. Just water, juice, and skim milk.”
“Huh. You did see a dietician, though.”
...How could I have been so stupid as to try that diet without seeing a doctor?...
“Well, no, actually...” I look at my feet as I lag behind Sarah.
“How do you know it’s safe?” Sarah slows to walk beside me. She sounds concerned, and her brow is furrowed.
...Yes...I’d love for you to tell me how you know...
There’s no way to hide it any longer. “Evelyn did it. She was okay. Jade, too. Jade’s friends with Evelyn now, did you know that?”
Sarah stops dead in her tracks. “You’re doing this because Evelyn said it was okay?”
I can’t look at her. I focus on a point just past her shoulder. “Well, she’s one of the prettiest girls in school.”
“It doesn’t matter what you look like. All that matters is who you are inside.”
I shift my gaze to meet Sarah’s. “You were so happy for me a minute ago because I was changing what I look like. Now you’re saying that doesn’t matter?”
I’m making her out to be a hypocrite. Sarah isn’t a hypocrite. Sarah is sweet and kind and smart--but I’m accusing her of hypocrisy. What kind of friend am I?
“If you have to change who you are, I don’t care how healthy your diet is.” Sarah rubs her eyes. “Just tell me one thing. Who are you sitting with at lunch? Because Evelyn and I aren’t exactly on friendly terms.”
I can’t stand myself. I hate myself so much that if I’m Alanna Moore for a moment longer, I’ll die of hatred. What I’m about to say is cruel and awful, but I can’t lie, and I can’t stop myself. “Evelyn, of course. She doesn’t try to stop me from becoming who I want to be.”
A tear slips down Sarah’s cheek. “Okay. Fine. I’m sorry I’m trying to make sure you don’t turn into another anorexic twig.” She rushes off, leaving me alone in the hall.
“Wait. I’m sorry,” I try to call after her, but the words are strangled and near-silent with tears. This can’t be happening.
Deflated, I look at my hands. The acidic nail polish is a hideous color. Fitting for a girl like me.
YOU ARE READING
Spectrum
Teen Fiction>>>>TRIGGER WARNING<<<< Alanna Moore has been the ugly, fat girl for as long as she can remember. Evelyn Pry is slim, trim, and beautiful. Who better to ask for advice? Evelyn tells her to eat less. And Alanna realizes that starving herself isn't so...
