Emotions and Words Turned into Poetry

Contradictory (Updated)

Contradictory
Mutually opposed or inconsistent.
Example:
"The two attitudes are contradictory."

I hate it...

I hate the way you pretend to care,
I hate the way you stare...

I hate the way you tear me apart,
I hate the way we were doomed from the start...

I hate the way you miss my hints,
I hate the way your mind is absent...

I hate it.

... I hate the way you make me cry,
Without even batting an eye.

I hate the way I still act fair,
Even when I always tell myself, "I swear..."

I hate the way you act stupid,
I hate the way your movements are so lucid.

I hate the way we run around in circles,
I hate the way the blood trickles.

I love the way you used to smile,
Even when you were growling at me, so vile.

I love the way you play with my heart,
Even as it's crisped and charred.

I love the way you make me feel,
Even though I know it's never real...

I LOVE THE WAY YOU ONCE LOVED ME!
Even when... we lost that key...

I miss the way... Everything fit together...
Honestly, I'm not getting better.

I miss the way... my eyes used to light up,
As I trusted in you... was it ever enough?

I MISS THE WAY YOU USED TO HOLD ME WHEN I CRIED!
But now you say you never have the time!

I miss the way we used to lay around,
Listening to that same old sound...

I wish I could hear the music play the same way as it did before,
But now it feels like I'm going on a grand world tour.

I wish one day our hearts may fall in sync again,
As we walk towards London's Big Ben.

I wish to myself every night,
Hoping that this won't come back and bite...

I wish for something others can't comprehend,
And here I go again, trying to create the trend.

I hope one sunny afternoon I'll be happy,
But for now, everything's just crappy!

I hope someone can somehow see through my walls,
Because I try to make them transparent, like an old-time shawl.

I hope someday you'll finally hear my screams!
Ones so loud, you can hear them from your dreams.

I hope to God that I'll be brought back to colors,
But for now, I'll only pray for pleasant smothers.

I hate it.
The way you make me feel.

Yet I love it.
The way you help me heal.

I'm torn between two contradictory emotions.
And my actions always feel like stop motion.

Every step I take, there's another flash of a camera.
Another grueling hit to my stamina.

I'm stuck within a place,
That I will never be able to escape.

One that you'll never seek to trace.
And another that I'll only be able to erase...

I hate it..
... and I love it.