nothing really lasts // l.haechan

L E T G O

   The next morning, Haechan woke up to see you sitting in the bed and unconsciously picking at the skin around your nails. You were lost in thought; caught in a lie. Your worry was present on your face.

   "Hey, is something bothering you?" he suddenly asked while sitting up with you.

   You didn't answer him. Only kept your eyes glued to the wall.

   "Talk to me. What's up?" Haechan slid his arm around your shoulders, but you shrugged it off and stood from the bed.

   "Aren't you going to be late for work?" you asked him in a monotone voice.

   He was quiet for a good few seconds before he nodded and stood up as well. "I should probably get ready. When I get home, let's talk about what's up, okay?" He held your shoulders and looked at you with concern, but you refused to make eye contact.

   You took your daughter to school when it came time, then returned home. Now that you were out of sight, and home alone, you felt free to cry. On the couch, holding a pillow, your tears silently slipped down your face and into the fabric. Those silent tears turned to soft sobs that were muffled by the pillow you tightly clutched.

   After all these years of what was promising, and love, and trust have turned to dust. The one you held so dear to your heart didn't hold you to his.

   You threw the pillow back on the couch with anger now taking you over. Instead of sitting, you started to pace around the house while trying to calm down.

   In the end, you collapsed back on the couch, numb. It's like you ran out of emotions to feel and you were too weak to continue breaking out.

   So you sat.

   And cleared your thoughts.

   If he's found love with another, then who are you to hold him back? Is it time to let go?

   But what about the family members on both sides that have grown so fond of your relationship? And the bond you've created? And your daughter?

   You didn't want to put her through that.

   When Haechan returned home, he greeted you with a hug. You tensed your muscles under his embrace, which caused him to look hurt.

   "Please talk to me now," he begged.

   "I guess I just wanted to know," you started, but gave a couple seconds of a pause. "Was I not good enough?"

   "What are you talking about?" Haechan tried to take a couple steps toward you, but you took the same amount backward.

   "Don't try to hide it from me anymore. I know why you're always gone."

   Haechan was dumbfounded.

   "You're terrible at hiding things." Your voice was stuffy while tears started to form in your eyes.

   "I—"

   "There's nothing to say about it. Just don't do the same thing to her that you did to me."

   It was Haechan's turn to have a marbled look covering his eyes. "Are you saying..."

   "Yeah," you gave a pitiful laugh through your pain. "I'm letting you go. Who am I to stop you from being with someone you love? Apparently, more than me if you're really looking out for them while already being married."

   "Does this mean we're getting a divorce?"

   "I mean..." You trailed off, finding a break in your voice. Clearing your throat, you leaning against the kitchen counter and tried to refrain from crying. "In the end, this is what you wanted, right? To be with her?"

   "I can't believe you're just letting me go."

   "What do you want me to do?" your voice began to rise. "Get mad? Yell at you? Find this lady and curse her out? I'm not going to do that. Look, I'm happy that you found someone that you love. Just go to her before I regret having to let go."

   Haechan swallowed hard and lowered his eyes to the tiled floor.

   "Don't forget to visit your daughter often so she doesn't forget what a father's love is like. Unless you have to lie about that too."