Drowning

It was just after midnight when I was standing on a bridge, looking down. I saw the moon its reflection in the deep water. The weather was not warm, nor really cold, just normal. Maybe it didn't feel cold or warm anymore because I wasn't really living anymore. My heart was still beating, the blood was still running through my veins. But does that mean you're still living? I don't think so. They told me I had a depression. I went through a lot from the age of eleven until sixteen, now, the moment I was ready to jump off the bridge.

I had climbed over the barrier of the bridge, my hands still holding them, but it wouldn't be for long anymore. A minute later I deducted my hands from the barrier and after three deep breaths I jumped.

I don't know how long the fall had taken. My eyes were closed and before I knew it, I heard the splash of the water, chosen by me.

Everything went as in slow motion. I wasn't scared, I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, I felt nothing. I was just done living. I didn't care anymore, and neither did anyone care for me. My mom was an alcoholic and my father left my mom even before I was born. I didn't know any other family member and friends? I didn't have them. I was different than most other people. I've always lived alone, mostly I was staring out the window towards the sky, hoping that I would come there as soon as possible. So after five years I finally had the courage to jump. Before then I had always hoped to find somebody who'd love me, my mom, a friend, it didn't matter who, just someone. But apparently that life wasn't chosen for me.

I was still aware of the water surrounding me, coming into my nose, making me stop breathing. They said that even you would try to drown yourself that you always would fight the drowning and try to find air. But I didn't, my body didn't fight for a life anymore. I was done living, my time on earth was over. I've never had a place in there, and I've never will have had one.

Minutes passed, I felt pain, but didn't care. I still wasn't scared, I've never been scared of dying, it actually was my dream to die. No matter what the afterlife was, it couldn't possibly be worse than a life on earth.

---

Suddenly I saw something, not in the water, it was like a movie, the last thing I would see before I died.

I was running between high blades of grass. The grass couldn't have been more green. I was.. happy. I wore a dress, a white dress with red flowers on that suited perfectly with my long brown hair. It was nicely brushed and there was a bow in it. I was barefoot with my arms wide open catching the soft wind. The sun was shining, it was really warm, and I could enjoy it.

I saw myself running towards a blanket. I sat on the red blanket and there was food on it, sandwiches and fruit. I was eating a sandwich and some grapes. There was a big smile on my face, although I was alone.

All of the sudden there were people sitting with me on the blanket. Everyone was eating a sandwich. There was a woman, I assume she was my mom, there was a guy, the same age as me and there was a girl the same age as me.

"Are you ready Sophie?" The girl said to me. Where should I need to be ready for?

"Yes of course! The wedding is perfectly prepared." I answered.

It was like there were two people in one body, me and another me. The other I was probably a couple years older as I was already going to marry.

"You guys are so cute!" She pronounced, pointing towards me and towards the guy next to me. The guy had dark brown hair and blue eyes, like he was a god. The girl was a blonde, she was tin and wore a light blue dress.

I looked at the boy and he looked at me, I didn't know his name, I didn't know anything from him, but I knew I was in love with him. For one moment in my life I finally felt something. I finally got something I've always wanted, love.