Absurd Hero World

Chapter One: Sayonara, Red Panda

 To whom it may concern,

The Tribunal of Super Heroes is writing to inform you that in light of your recent failure, your heroing license has been suspended. Please pack your things and attend a hearing at Hero Court next Wednesday. Note that if you cannot provide adequate evidence for why you should be permitted to remain a superhero, your license will be revoked and you will be banished from Not Earth. Also note that if you try to circumvent the will of the Tribunal, that the repercussions will be severe.

Have a nice day,

The Tribunal of Super Heroes

Signed

Golden Guppy, Heroic Liaison and Relations Manager

John Malcolm-Nakamura finished reading the letter and slumped down in his recliner. I can't fucking believe this, he thought. One extremely bad day of heroing, and suddenly I'm one of the rejects.

That Wednesday could not have come fast enough. The Red Panda was determined not to go down as a failure, and he had high hopes that the Tribunal would hear his case.

"I'm sorry, but we just can't overlook the fact that your arch-nemesis now has complete control over Not Japan," said Aesop, the leader of the Tribunal.

"But I'm one of Japan's greatest Super Heroes! I'm a member of the Vital Ten!" pleaded Red Panda. "I had a single day where Sayonara got the better of me."

"Yes, but you have yet to demonstrate your ability to stop him. His power has outgrown yours," said Schrodinger.

"Not to mention that the other heroes of Japan are much more capable than you. Take Sun Bear, for example," said Fox Man.

"Sun Bear turned evil, though," said Red Panda.

"We are looking into it. You never know when someone is doing an undercover story arc," said Labcoat.

"Red Panda, for your failures, the Tribunal of Super Heroes considers you unfit for heroic service. We will now take a vote," said Heartbeat. "All in favour of banishing Red Panda to Absurd Hero World, raise your hand."

Of the seventeen members, only three did not raise their hands: Dead Girl, Laser, and Digitalia.

"It would seem the decision is not unanimous," said Campfire. "This is quite irregular."

"Be that as it may," began Blacksmith. "A unanimous vote is unnecessary. The motion carries."

Red Panda saw the faces of the heroes he admired, looking down at him with disappointment in their eyes.

Aesop, the wise old man of the super hero community.

Abcadacba and his partner Dacbabcad, two magicians who were linked by fate, and tasked with a great burden.

Labcoat, the former mad scientist who was able to become a hero by arguing the point that he was mad and not evil.

Dead Girl, the corpse of a teenager that was reanimated by Labcoat during a bizarre set of circumstances.

Fox Man, once keen to work alone, he soon found value in working with a team once he adopted his sidekick, Cub.

Ancestor, an ancient being conceived in a dying star, with the unique ability to observe a species' past and recreate it.

Schrodinger, the first scientist to invent time travel, who ended up transforming himself into a living paradox.

Blacksmith, a mysterious man able to wield any weapon.