S.A.D || a cordae story!

1™

Ella 

~ Flashback ~

My mother and I sat in complete and slightly awkward silence in the small, white check up room in what I figured out was  the psychiatric ward of the Blueberry Hill Hospital.

It's been about 5 minutes, but it felt like 5 years because of my mother's constant stares in my direction. I wouldn't have dared to look up at her in her eyes, because I felt like I would crumble, just by a half-second glance.

I began to tap anxiously on the cushioned table I sat on top of. ' I really wish I was back in Mrs. T's classroom coloring in my coloring sheet'  I thought to myself.

What still had lingered in my mind was that why she had so many suitcases in the back of her car. What were they for? Where they for me? I hope they weren't, but in the pit of my stomach I felt like my mother didn't want anything to do with me.

The creaky old hinges on the door made a loud noise, which meant the door was opening up. I whipped my head towards the door and my heart beat twice as fast and my hands begun to get clammy.

I felt a wash of relief when I saw it was just the doctor from earlier. She held a clipboard in one arm and a computer in her hands and she carefully set them down on the table and turned towards my mother and I.

"Alright, so I have the results, Ms. Melanese" she announced in light tone.

My mom looked up from a magazine she was reading and looked at the doctor, silently urging her to go on.

The doctor sent me sympathetic look before continuing, "Well, after running the scans a few times, and carefully reviewing the data that the nurses have collected, we have concluded that your daughter, Ella, has come out positive for social anxiety disorder." 

I sat there and stared at the doctor, an d my mother as well out of the corner of  my eye. Then I  slowly glanced downwards. 'Social? Disorder? Is there something wrong with me?'

"Mommy, is there something wrong with me?" I asked my mom, swallowing my nervousness and looked directly at her. She looked back at me with hard eyes and sighed, looking down, rubbing the temples of either side head with her forefinger and middle fingers.

My mother looked back at me then finally answered my question after a few seconds more of  her scrutinizing stares. "Chile, I don't know. It depends. The doctor right thea'. Ask ha'." she said in a seemingly irritated voice. 

I  shrank into myself slightly and turned my body towards the doctor, waiting for her to answer my question. "Sweetie, there isn't anything really wrong with you. You just have a... special quality, that's all." the doctor attempted to break it down for me. "You know how you hid behind your mother when you  first came in here? Or when your mom told me about how you don't usually like to  make new friends and you have trouble with it?"

I nodded my head as a response.

"That's basically what social anxiety is. You get scared of social encounters like this one, or you're scared  that people are judging or criticizing you. But I'm hear to help you understand that everything will be alright. You can live with your "condition". All you need to do is talk to someone about whatever you're feeling."