Never let me go

chapter 1 "first day as a senior"

Malia's pov

OK mal...you can do this, you've been doing this since you was 7, it wont hurt to do it for one more year...just ignore and avoid. don't talk to them and especially don't let them see your weak or let them know your secrets. there is only one person i trust enough to tell all of my secrets and to let them in...my best friend that has been there for me through everything, Courtney. she's like my sister, i trust her with everything and she understands why i'm so secluded from the world and from socialising, my mother, Emily, doesn't though, she thinks i need to socialise and act like a normal teenager but i refuse because that could lead to a relationship and that would lead to love and then that would lead to loss. anyone i get close to either dies or they leave, its like my own personal curse.

i look around at the new clothes in my wardrobe, my mum took me out a week before school started to get a new wardrobe, which i didn't protest against, i might be secluded but i'm still a teenage girl, i love clothes and shoes. my eyes finally settle on an outfit. my red and black flannel shirt, my white skinny jeans with ripped knees and my black fedora. i lay my outfit down on my bed then walk into my en-suite. i wash my face and brush my teeth then apply my make up which consists of a thin line of eyeliner which i manage to wing at the end perfectly, a thick layer of mascara and a light pink lip gloss. i walk back into my room and slip out of my sweats and tank top then change into a clean set of underwear then my outfit. Once I'm in my outfit I pull my hair up into a high, messy pony tail then I slip my black framed glasses on immediately improving my eyesight.

I sigh then make my way downstairs, preparing myself for the lecture that my mother is going to give me about how I need to socialise and make friends because its what he would want. I won't listen tough and I don't care if its what he would want, he can't tell me that directly to me, he left me and I don't forgive him for that. I walk into the kitchen where my mum is sitting at the breakfast bar eating a bowl of cereal. She looks up and smiles at me which I return. I walk over to the fridge and pull out an apple then close the fridge.

"So are you and court meeting up at school or is she picking you up?" My mum asks just as I take a bite into my apple. I quickly finish my mouth full then reply to my mum.

"She's picking me up" she nods then goes back to eating her cereal. I finish my apple then call my dog.

"Poppy, come here girl" as soon as I call her she runs into the kitchen, her little paws padding against the floor. She looks up at me in excitement. I click and point to the floor so she sits then I put my hand out and she puts her little paw in my hand. I release her paw and give her the apple core. Yes I know its weird but she loves them. She runs away with it in her mouth, her tail wagging. I chuckle at her then turn around and see my mum frowning at me, I groan because I know excatcly what's coming. I sit down and wait for her to start her lecture.

"Malia I know I've said this a million times and I know it won't change your mind but I'm still going to try. Malia you're a young, beautiful girl, you have so much potential for you but you need to start talking to people, you need friends, this is not how a 17 year old should live her life, most girls are out at party's or hanging out with their friends and falling in love. I know your afraid of what will happen if you fall in love then have your heat broken but sweety that's part of growing up, you need the experience of being a teenage girl" I frown at her then scowl.

" I know your worried about me mum but do you not remember or even care about what happend to dad, do you even remember dad?" I say with anger dripping from my tone and tears stinging my eyes. She looks shocked and angry at the fact that I just said that to her.

"Of course I remember your father and his death was hard on me as well Malia, don't you dare act like it wasn't, I loved him and I miss him but he wouldn't want us to pause our life because of his death and you know that!" She yells at me, this is usaly how our argument go. She's about to carry on but I hear a beeping from outside signalling Courtneys here. "No Malia, we are talking about this, she can wait for a second" she yells while I grab my bag and head towards the door, ignoring her.

"Cant be late for the first day now can I mum?" I say with sarcasm in my tone. I run out the door and towards Courtney's car. I smile at her which she returns with a big grin. I open the door and sit in the seat then sling my bag Onto the back seats. I turn back to her and smile. I get pulled into a massive bear hug by her. When she releases me she squeals then claps her hands.

"Is finally our final year of that dreadful school. I can't believe we are seniors" I smile at her as she starts to drive to school with one of the biggest grin ever on her face.

"One more year of avoiding people and being the freak show of the school...that's personally to long for me" Courtney turns her head so she's looking at me, she has a scowl on her face. she turns back so she's facing the road but she doesnt drop the subject.

"you are not a freak show Mal, you're just quite and reserved. nothing wrong with that. but i do agree with your mum this time Malia. we're seniors, you need to socialise even if it's with a few more people. that's all i'm asking, im not asking you to fall in love or to become head chearleader. im just asking you to make a few more friends" i stare at her, contemplateing her pleads to make more friends. i mean, it wouldnt be that bad making a few more friends would it? no you can't do it Malia. don't let anyone else in or you will just get hurt. i turn my head the other way so i'm faceing out the window.

"i can't do that Courtney" i whisper to her but mainly to myself. i hear her sigh in dismay.

"how long are you willing to fight people off for Malia. how long are you going to push people away?" i stare at the scenery passing by us as i think about her question.

"as long as i can"