Never let me go

chapter 5 'i can't breathe'

breathe Malia...breathe...

you can do this, just breathe.

I stare down at the grave with a single white rose on it, his favourite flower. I want to cry but I can't. I can't do anything....all I can do is stand here and stare at the grave, wondering where things went wrong.

this has been the tradition for 10 years now. Every year, on his death anniversary, I will come to the cemetery and place a single white rose on his grave and stare at it, feeling numb, not being able to cry. This is something I always do by myself, I won't even bring Courtney with me. It's my time to be with him.

"don't let go daddy!" I yell back to my dad in fear. he's currently teaching me how to ride a bike. I quickly look back to make sure his hand is still on the back of my bike. we took off the training wheels today because daddy says I'm a big girl and big girls don't need training wheels. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared. I don't want to fall off and hurt myself.

"I'll never let go princess" he yells back, smiling at me. I look back in front of me and keep pedalling. after a few more minutes of Pedalling down the street I look behind me again and see my dad in the distance, with a big smile on his face. My eyes widen in fear , he let go! The next thing I know I'm on the ground with a cut on my knee and tears falling down my face.

my dad runs over to me with a worried expression. he kneels down next to me and takes one of my hands in his, his other hand cupping my cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears.

"you said you wouldn't let go" I cry to him. He smiles softly.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but you did manage to ride the bike by yourself, didn't you?" he say's while smiling at me, I nod and look down with a smile on my face. "I love you princess, but everyone has to let go at some point" he says while smiling.

I smile at the memory of him. that day was one of my favourite with him.

"I love you daddy" I whisper to myself. "I don't know when I will be able to let go though, I can't let go of you. I know you always used to say 'everyone has to let go at some point' but I can't, not when it comes to you.". I sigh and look at the time. "I need to go now dad, I have school soon, but I'll see you soon" 

I walk out of the cemetery and start my short walk to school. I really hope nothing kicks off today with Mr Collins. I won't be able to deal with his shit today. 

I sigh as I walk into school. You can do it Mal, just keep a strong face on. I start walking to Music as it's my first lesson of the day. As I walk I hear someone call my name.

"Malia!" I stop in my tracks and look around for the source. I soon see Zack jogging over to me with a smile on his face. I smile at him as he stops in front of me. "hey, wanna walk to music together?" I hesitate for a moment but nod slowly. I guess another friend wouldn't hurt, plus Zack seems nice.

"sure" I say quietly and smile.

"awesome" he replies, the smile still on his face. We start the short journey to Music in quite. we're just about to walk through the door to the classroom but Zack grabs my arm softly and stops, making me stop in my tracks as well. I look up at him, confused at the sudden gesture. He lets go of my arm and looks to the ground while scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Um, I was sort of wondering, i-if you wanted to...I don't know.." he stuttered nervously. I smiled at his nervous state. "wanted to go on a date...with me...tonight" He finishes the looks up at me with hopeful eyes. My eyes widen in shock. I stare at him for a second, not finding any words. "you don't have to if you don't want to!" He quickly says. I chuckle at him and shake my head.

"I would love to" I say with a big smile on my face. his eyes light up and he grins at me.

"awesome!" I giggle at him, but that's soon cut off when I hear someone clear their throat. We both turn to look at the door, finding Mr Collins standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest and a stern look on his face.

"If you two are done, my class is starting" He spits. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, what's up with him today? we both nod and quickly walk into the classroom and sit down.

about halfway through the lesson I feel Zack bump his shoulder into mine. I turn my head to look at him and find him already looking at me with a smile on his face. I smile back at him, then bump my shoulder into his. he chuckles quietly then leans in close next to my face, so his mouth is next to my ear. He's so close, I can feel his breathe on my face.

"I'll pick you up around 7? we can go get dinner then go bowling?" he whispers, making his breathe tickle my ear, which makes me giggle. He pulls back a bit to look into my eyes as I slowly nod in agreement.

"oka-" I'm cut off by a pair of hands slamming down on our desk, startling both of us. I look up with wide eyes, to find Mr Collins looking down at us with a furious but hard and cold look in his eyes. I gulp nervously as me and Zack sit forwards again.

"Detention, both of you at lunch" Sir snaps then walks back to the front of the classroom and continues with the lesson. I mentally curse myself and Mr Collins.

lunch should be fun...not.