Smile

Chapter 16

⚠️Trigger warning~ bulimic, self harm and many more things.⚠️

⚠️Read if you want to, don't mind if you skip the chapter ⚠️

•Vienna's P.O.V•

I walked into the bathroom, I walked into the cubicle and locked the door. I turned around to the toilet.

I kneeled over the toilet to see my reflection the toilet water to see something purely disgusting, I wouldn't blame him not wanting me because I didn't even want myself not now nor ever.

I coughed, slowly bringing up my food I ate up then I coughed a few more times. I brought my finger into my mouth then pulled it out as soon as the food came rushing and I threw it all up into the toilet.

To see all the food I just ate in there, I stood up for a second then flushed it all away like the last few minutes didn't happen.

I looked at the door for a second as tears streamed down my face rapidly, not knowing whether to wipe them away or leave them because they were going to keep on coming.

My forehead pressed against the door as I looked down at the bathroom floor.

I wasn't enough, he was right.

I wasn't enough for him or anyone else nor will I ever be because I'm purely a waste of a human.

But why did he have to do that for?

I know I didn't mean anything to you, me telling you how I felt about you but the fact you toss me to the side like that no matter how much I helped you and tried my ever best for you but it didn't mean anything?

But thanks to you, you've made my state worser then it already is.

I wanted to scream and just have it all out but I knew I couldn't because if I did, then I wouldn't be the sweet girl that everyone knew and then everything would be blamed on me.

I had to go because knowing the guys they would ask someone to come in and check in on me or worse one of them would come in.

I unlocked the door and walked out of the cubicle, I looked at myself in the mirror and let out a sigh.

I turned on the tap, I let the water run for a little bit then threw on my face to for me to look a little fresh and normal then washed my hands.

I fixed up my hair a little then I walked out of the bathroom to see the guys talking to a guy but his back was turned to me, wearing a white tshirt along with joggers which look like jeans in grey.

I let out a deep breath and let it out, no more mess ups in front of the guys otherwise they were going to investigate on what was wrong.

I walked over to them with a smile on my face, the guy turned a little only to see it was Chris stood there and he looked at me. "Hey Vienna."

"Hey."I said quietly as I looked down at my hands then looked at Zabdiel.

Zabdiel got it that I was uncomfortable right now, he looked at Richard, Erick and Riki. "Me and vi are going to by the car."

Richard nodded then threw him the keys. "Just don't ruin anything in there."

"I'm not Erick okay."Zabdiel said as he caught the keys.

"Bye Zabdiel and Vienna."Chris said as he looked at us.

"Bye then."

Me and Zabdiel walked out of Wendy's, I linked my arm with his.

Being in Zabdiel's presence made me feel good about myself, there was just something about him and Richard that they could do that. With Erick too of course.

"I'm sorry."Zabdiel said as we began to walk down the escalator. "I'm really sorry that this is happening to you."

I let out a sigh and looked up at him with a smile on my face. "It's okay Zabdi, it isn't your fault."

Zabdiel took a hold of my hand and squeezed it. "He didn't deserve you anyway, he's not worth anything of you."

"Thanks zabdiel."

We walked off the escalator, Zabdiel stopped in his tracks making me stop and looked at me. "I want you to know, that I'm here for you, that we all are no matter what."

"I know Zabdiel, you guys tell me all the time."

"I also want you to know that you don't need him in your life when you've got us."Zabdiel said as he let out a soft chuckle. "Because you are supposed to take rubbish out, not bring it back in."

"Yeah."

"So please don't do anything stupid about this situation or anything."Zabdiel said as he let out a sigh. "We need you in our lives."

I looked at him, trying my best to fight back the tears and not to have a breakdown. "You are scared that it's going to be like that again but it won't."

"Promise?"

I nodded. "I promise."

-

"Did you have a good day then?"Dad asked as he looked at me and Riki.

"Yeah we did."I replied as I looked at dad. "I'm going to have a shower."

Dad nodded then I went upstairs into my room, I grabbed myself a fresh pair of clothes and underwear.

I walked into my bathroom, I turned the shower on as I stripped my clothes off then jumped into my shower.

I let the hot water poured down as my back leaned against the marble wall with tears streamed down my face with my knees brought up to my chest.

Wanting to the hot water to burn me to death so I would no longer be here but that wasn't going to happen was it?

I looked at my arm; to see the past scars of before. The razor touched her skin, sending a shiver down her spine then i pulled the razor over her arm, slowly droplets of blood started to follow.

I looked at it, seeing the blood and in my mind, arguing with myself if I should do it again.

But I did it again, again and again, not knowing how to cope with everything again.

It was me.

I wasn't enough nor am I for anyone else am I?

It's me.

It's always me.