Flash

.3

I stood there stunned as Herc walked out of the pub, his body language conveying rage and sadness. I shakily sat down at the bar and drank what was left of his beer, trying to numb the guilt weighing down on my heart. I clenched my jaw, my lips trembling, as I tried not to cry in front of the bartender. I slammed down a bill and stormed out of the building, my stomach twisting in knots as I started realizing how broken herc was. I had come home in hopes of finding him and making amends, yet I highly doubted the odds of herc ever talking to me again much less forgiving me. I still remember the day I made the biggest mistake of my life. Because of one moment of unbridled passion due to a lapse of judgement, the love of my life had been shattered. I remember afterwards, I tried to confront him about it to help him understand that I loved him and didnt mean it. But the damage had been done and herc would never be reconciled or so I thought. So I ran away during the night from everything I knew to escape the pain and the problems I didn't want to deal with. Only later did I find out from a trusted source that herc did stay single and was depressed and neglected himself. With a renewed vigor and hope I set out to come back to the man I love only to have my hopes dashed, crumbling in on me and warping my reality. To say that I was depressed was an understatement.

I was bedding a close friend, John Laurens, who just got broken up with by Alexander Hamilton. Laurens had convinced me that Herc was already cheating on me with Maria Lewis, who was known to be a man stealer.

The conversation was playing in my mind even as I heaved into the smaller boy, his curly hair already out of the ribbon keeping it up. His eyes were screwed shut as he moaned my name. It didn't feel right.

"Haven't you heard, Laffy?" I should've known from this point, the only one who used this name was Herc.

"He's already cheating on you. Maria Lewis. Ever heard that name?" The words played in my mind, I gulped.

"Y-yes." He moans, as the previous conversation, my words echoed in my mind. He smiles,

"Dont you want to get back at him? Revenge for the past few months?"

"L-Laffy!" The Laurens in front of me moans, leaning up to kiss me, the shift resulting in my hitting his prostate. I felt sick, this wasn't how tonight was supposed to play out.

Herc had gotten us rich seats at an expensive restaurant and firework show. I was just getting ready for it when an angry and crying Laurens showed up at the door. He kisses me just as the conversation feeling did. I melted into it, forgetting my worries instantly. This was just for revenge, right? He probably only wanted to get the last date in before breaking up with me and taking Maria full time, leaving me in the dust.

Laurens couldn't see it behind his screwed shut eyes, but I was crying. I didn't want to do this. I was Hercs. I wanted Herc to be over me, taking control like he does. How he calls me his little kitten when we're alone, the soft sweet kisses usually turning sensual. I wanted Hercs body over my own in this instant; I wanted this to be over.

I hear a ring drop,

"L-Laf?" I hear a broken voice. My heart explodes, shattering.

"H-Herc..." I stop with thrusting into Laurens, and he whines in protest.

Laurens smirks at Herc, mouthing an 'I win' before attacking my neck. Hercules runs, and I hear his wailing as he rushes downstairs, I jump up, smacking the curly haired individual.

"Aww, but didn't you enjoy it, daddy?"

I roll my eyes,

"Get out, and stay out. I don't want to see you again." I say, throwing his clothes at him, and rushing him out of the room Herc and I had shared for the eight months, after I turned eighteen.

With the memory over, I barely realize a tear drip down my cheek.

"I'm such an idiot." I mutter, curling into myself. I run out of the bar, probably leaving the quarter pint for another hungry drunk. I run to the woods, up to the old playground. I cry into the ground, having fallen to my knees at the edge of the playset, and eventually taking the jacket off, hugging it and crying into that as well.

I look back up with my vision clearing, and I tumble towards the slide that preceded to spiral up, my hand following it up.

"What have I done?" I ask myself, starting to weep again.

"So you did decide to come back. Huh." I hear a familiar, bitter-filled voice enter my hearing. My head snaps up, and I'm met with the same freckle-covered, curly haired individual that convinced me to ruin something beautiful.

"Guessed ya missed me, ah?" He smirks, eyeing me up.

"Welcome home, daddy."

"Go fuck yourself, home wrecker." I said, getting up and starting to walk back towards the dock, putting Hercules' jacket back on, leaving Laurens to sputter, he really thought I came back for him.

I laugh sadly, retreating back to the dock, laying down on my back.

I remember something else; Hamilton's wedding.

He and Eliza smile so happily. Newly-weds, they pecked each others lips continuously, and each time they did, Laurens took a shot. I couldn't blame him; He was with Alexander when Hamilton and Eliza got married. This was a week before my own affair. Herc was nineteen, I was eighteen, Laurens was twenty, and Alexander was twenty-one.

So basically, we underage drank. I cant say I regret it, however. I laugh loudly, snuggling into Hercules side. He smiles down at me, holding me tighter and embracing me with warmth and love. I can feel my eyes close in reality and memory, leaning into warmth. The boy I love next to me, keeping me protected, even if being a little possessive in doing it. Herc leans down, kissing my temple.

"Im tired, you wanna go home?" He asks, the arm that was held securely around my waist dropping, leaving his hand to grasp my own. I smile,

"Yeah," I breath, "Lets go home."

I smile again, leaning up to kiss my lovers cheek. His face turns pink, and a blissful smile covers it cheek-to-cheek, showing off his perfect teeth: perfect smile. I can feel my breath being stolen, his beauty never ceases to amaze me. As we walk out of the party, I can feel eyes on me. I look over, seeing Laurens. He gives me a lustful stare, which I had mistaken for grievance, and I shoot him a pitiful look, staring back at my lover, who was glaring at Laurens.

I follow Herc out, and my memories dream turns into a nightmare. There we were, walking back into the bar. I take a deep breath in, sitting down the same place near Herc, the same drinks, the same clothes. I had his jacket around my shoulders, yet now the scent I had been engulfed in for so long was fully drenched with alcohol and sweat, seeing as he'd been doing worse and worse of a job taking care of himself in the past half of a decade.

I see the same sorrowful, anger-filled frame, drooped eyes, dark, raccoon-like circles line his eyes, his usual winter beanie matted. I feel myself getting sick, and then I'm alone in the bar. I drink the same burning two-and-a-half pints of Sam Adams, palming my head into my hand. I sigh, a few tears staining my eyes.

"What have I done?"