Salvation: A Breaking Bad/Jesse Pinkman Story

Chapter Three: Revelations

Fuck.

I ran back through Jane's front door and a little way down the street before I decided to stop, failing at my attempt to blink away tears.

So many thoughts were running through my head. I didn't know who I was more mad at: Jane, Jesse or myself. 

Why did I run like that? 

Erm, because it killed me to see Jesse with her but I know I've just played right into Jane's hands. I've made it blatantly obvious that I have feelings for Jesse. I mean I know Badger and Pete won't have run out of the house all dramatic. If only I'd left it at the shocked expression and the hand clasped over my mouth. That seems like a reasonable reaction to have when walking in on one of your best friends having sex with their girlfriend.

"YO INDY!" I heard Jesse yell and turned around to see him running up the street after me whilst buckling the belt wrapped around his jeans. 

I stayed quiet, quickly turning my back on him to wipe my eyes. He can NOT see that I've been crying.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and slowly turned to face him.

"Indy, yo I'm sorry I mean I never meant for you to see that. Are you okay?" he sounded soft and sympathetic. I felt guilty. I had no right to be angry at him. Jane is his girlfriend - he's going to have sex with her and I can't punish him for that just because it hurts me.

"Yeah I'm fine man, it was just a shock, you know? Like we go back and to see you fucking someone is just weird ha", I tried my best to sound convincing although adding that forced awkward laugh at the end of my sentence really didn't help.

Jesse moved his hand from my shoulder, sliding it loosely down my arm and resting it on my waist. My skin broke out into goosebumps. He looked down at the floor and then slowly moved his eyes up my body until we were making eye contact again. It's obvious that he's noticed the bumps suddenly covering my arms.

"You sure that's it? There's nothing else?" Jesse asked quietly - his husky voice sent chills down my spine. I might be reading too much into this but it sounds like he actually wants there to be something else.

"Nothing..." I whispered, my voice barely audible as I stared into his ice blue eyes, losing myself as I always did. There was something there. I felt it. I knew I wasn't crazy and it wasn't just me feeling it - Jesse felt it too. I could sense it, there was a spark.

"JESSE YOU FOUND HER MAN?" I heard Pete yell.

"Yeah I got her right here" Jesse shouted back, not once breaking eye contact with me.

"Come on" he said softly, taking my hand and leading me back to the apartment. As we reached the steps up to the front door Jesse dropped my hand and gestured for me to walk in ahead of him.

I heard Jesse slam the door shut behind him. Badger, Pete and Jane were gathered in the living room sitting on the sofa, all smoking a cigarette, Jane still with the smug expression on her face.

"Indy" Badger sounded concerned as he offered me a cigarette from his carton.

I gladly take and light the cigarette, closing my eyes as I inhale the smoke. I exhale heavily as Jane stares at me. 

"Must be rough" she scoffed. "Seeing the guy you fantasize about every night fucking someone else. Oh and it's me which is only another sting in the tail for you right?" she laughed.

I dont't know what pissed me off more - the fact that she was attempting to embarrass me or the fact that she was 100% right.

"Honestly it took me a while to register it was actually you under there, I thought he was shagging a pillow for a second. You know - because you were just lay there doing fuck all". I hissed back.

Jane gave a false laugh as if to indicate that my insult hadn't bothered her in the slightest but it was blatantly obvious to everyone in the room that my words had stung.

"Yo will you two shut the fuck up?" Pete sounded genuinely angry. "I actually have a much more pressing fucking issue on my mind if I can get a word in".

Pete stood up and walked up to Jesse, getting right in his face. 

"What. The FUCK. Is this SHIT?!" Pete held up his left hand to show Jesse something but  I couldn't see what it was. I've never heard Pete this worked up though and I want to know what's gotten him this way. One thing I know is that it will have taken something major or him to be acting like this.

"Oh... fuck" Jesse muttered under his breath as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. 

"Pete..." I stammer but he doesn't move.

"PETE"! I screamed louder than anticipated but I needed  to know what the fuck was happening. 

He tuned to face me and I finally saw what he was holding up. A needle.

"Where did you get that man?" Badger sounded seriously nervous.

"He's obviously been snooping on my bedside table the little fucking freak. What were you doing, trying to find my panty drawer? Creepy little shit". Jane piped up sounding noticeably calm compared to the rest of us.

Wait. Her bedside drawer? 

"You're shooting up heroin?" I asked Jane turning to face her and sounding legitimately shocked because well, I am. I know she's a bitch but heroin? 

"Correction, we're shooting up heroin" Jane said as she took a puff on her cigarette. She couldn't sound less bothered if she tried.

I turned to face Jesse unable to stop tears from falling down my face. My world is falling apart. Heroin? Shit I thought meth was bad but he's a full on junkie...

"No Jesse" I tried to speak but the words were barely audible.

"Oh fuck off drama queen. He already smoked meth I don't think my introduction to heroin is as big a deal as that shit." Jane moaned.

I can't control myself anymore. I walk over to the sofa and spit in her face.

Her face began to turn red with anger as I stormed out of the front door and sat in the back seat of the car waiting for Badger and Pete to get us out of there.

I lean over to open the glove box where I know Badger keeps his rolling gear. I sit back in my seat as I find what I'm looking for and roll a joint. I know I'm mad at Jesse for his drug problem but I need to calm myself and this is just weed - it's a plant. Meth and heroin? That shit is on a whole other scale. It's starting to sink in that Jesse needs help. Fuck it hurts to know that.

Just as I light the tip of the joint and inhale, I hear a faint tapping on the car window. I turn to my right to see Jesse's face - he looks to be on the verge of tears. I have to let him in. I know he's got a problem but I can't just turn off my feelings. In fact, if anything this has only made me realize how much I truly care for him. I have to help him, I can't lose him to this addiction. 

I unlock the door as Jesse climbs into the back seat next to me.

"Indy ... I.. I'm so sorry" he sounded sincere but obviously had no idea what to say to me.

"Here" I spoke as I offered him the joint.

He took a couple puffs before passing it back to me and placing a hand on my bare thigh, beneath my shorts. Shit. I was breaking out into goosebumps again. I had to learn to control myself around him. Of all the times, this was not one where I wanted Jesse Pinkman to know I was weak. I had to be firm - for him.

Too late.

He looked down and noticed the bumps covering my skin. He glanced up into my eyes and then back down at my legs before he began to run his fingers up and down my thigh. I couldn't help but let out a slight gasp - he literally makes me breathless.

"I'm not sorry for what I'm doing to myself - I'm sorry for what I'm doing to you. I know you hate this shit. The meth. The heroin. I never meant to hurt you Indy but I'm a junkie. That's just who I am." He sounded so upset as he spoke, the whole time still circling my thigh with his fingers.

"Let me help you" I pleaded weakly.

Jesse made eye contact with me and placed a hand on my cheek , "Why waste your time?"

"Because I lo-" I began with no control over what I was saying, before the slam of two car doors made me jump up. I turned to see Pete in the passenger seat and Badger behind the wheel turning the key in the ignition to start the engine. Jesse removed his hand from my face and instead let it rest in my lap. That was fine by me.

"Yo let's go home, we're sorting this shit out bitches" Pete spat angrily. I couldn't blame him for feeling the way he did,

"That's all I want" Jesse responded sounding genuine. My mind was going into overdrive wondering whether he knew what I was about to say to him.

"All I want" he repeated in a whisper, ensuring that we had locked eyes as he spoke.

He knew.

Fuck.