I saw him standing there.
Alone.
Looking up at the sky.
The autumn breeze flowing and leaves falling in the ground. His long chestnut coloured hair covering his face. He just stood there. He looked so lost in thought. Looking at him,standing alone there,looking up at nothing,my heart ached. I wanted to caress his cheek. I longed to hold his hand. Stroke my fingers through his silky hair. He is going to be my husband. This beautiful mysterious man will be my husband.
I have been watching him. For so long. He never looked my way. Not once. Now he's forced to marry me. I can only imagine what he's feeling. He must really hate me. If it wasn't for me,he could have been with someone he loves. My heart ached again. At the thought of him with another woman. Thinking about him in someone else's embrace makes me feel as if a knife has been put through my chest. The pain is so vivid. I wonder if a real stab at the heart feels this painful.
The first time I saw him was at the coffee shop where I work. It was pouring heavily outside. He came in to take shelter from rain. I fell for him the moment he walked in. Drenched from head to toe,his shirt clung to his body. His brown long hair covered his forehead and eyes. His broad shoulder and back facing my way. I wanted him to turn around. To Look at me. As if on cue he turned around,looked at me but didn't acknowledge me. It kind of hurt. But it's not like he would notice me. I was just a simple face working at the coffee shop around the corner.
I'm not that eye-cayching type of girl. I'm just your average black hair,green eyes,normal girl. I never complained about my looks. I like myself the way I am. But at that time..... I wished I was beautiful enough to seize his attention. Appealing enough to capture his interest. That's a wish that'll never be granted. He ordered a black coffee and then sat beside the window seat,gazing at the rain. After a while I placed his coffee at the table. He didn't even look at me. Instead of standing there like the stupid girl I was,I moved away and left him to his peace. But I couldn't move the slight stinging pain inside my heart away.
After that he came to the coffee shop again. My heart leaped. Maybe he did notice me that day. But instead he got another black coffee. That stupid rejection hurt. But I peered up at the thought that he may not like me,he sure liked my coffee. A little hope flicked inside me. Maybe I do have a chance,I thought then.
Looking back at that memory,I realise what a blind and naive girl I was. It's been 14 months since I first saw him. He never once looked at me in those fourteen months. Not a single glance. And me? I still looked at only him. I tried going out with other guys. It didn't work. I would always try to compare them with him. And nobody could make my heart flluter like a crazy butterfly without even looking my way like he did.
After a few months of trying I gave up on it. My broken heart couldn't be healed. I stopped dating completely. I couldn't get over him no matter what. He became a regular customer at the shop. And everyday I served him his usual black coffee. Everyday he would take them without looking my way a second time or even a thank you. I thought I must make great coffee,otherwise he wouldn't be here another time. It seemed like he hated me or something like that. I mean seriously,not ONE single glance at a person's way? What else could be the problem?
Even though he didn't care,I couldn't stop caring. I wanted to stop though. I wanted to forget about this man. He already took fourteen months out of my life without even glancing. It scared me to no end. I was scared that I won't ever be able to get over this silly unspoken huge crush. It was crushing me instead. I wanted to forget that beautiful face of his,those distant yet deep and vibrant blue eyes. I wanted to forget that I ever met him. I wanted to get rid of this pain so badly I was going crazy. I wanted to be loved,cared. I wanted to be someone precious to him. Even though he didn't look,I couldn't stop looking at him,couldn't stop admiring how beautifully god created him. And I hated god for it also. It would have been so much easier if he wasn't this mesmerizing.
