We went to a coffee shop near where we were. Not the one I work in. After sitting down he looked straight at me. Again...there is just something about the way he looks..it sends chills down my spine. I shivered involuntarily.
"Are you cold?",he asked frowning a bit. I sighed,mentally of course.
"No,I'm fine. So what did you want to discuss?",wanting to finish this so called 'business session' as quick as possible. I just can't meet his scrutinizing gaze. All fourteen months I wished for him to look my way,he didn't. Now he just kept looking my way and I can't even meet his gaze? This is so stupid. I am so stupid!
He's not looking voluntarily though,remember?
I wish sometimes I could claw out the voice inside my mind. I hate to admit it but it's right. He's not looking at me willingly. That fourteen months familiar pain returned again. Will I ever be free from this pain? I know the answer to that question already. By doing this I'll make my pain permanent.
I tried to remain as professional as possible. Meaning I tried to meet his gaze,squared my shoulders,kept my chin up. Is it just me or did the corner of his lips just twitched? Nah,it's gotta be just me. I wonder if he even smiles. I haven't seen his smile ever. He'd always look so lost in thought. I wonder what his laughter would sound like... Ugh...I mentally slapped myself. This is not why I'm here for!
Damn this guy,this wouldn't have been so hard if he was ugly,fat and bald!
"Right. My father once helped your family . Did you know any of that? Did your father ever mention it?"
I frowned. His father helped my father? When? Why? How did my father even know them? He never told me any of these....either way what's it got to do with the whole 'marriage sham' of ours? I guess he understood that I'm confused and I don't have a single clue about whatever he's saying.
"I guess he didn't mention. Alright,I'll tell you."
"If my father didn't tell me,that means he didn't want me to know any of these. But either way I don't see how any of that has to do with what we're about to discuss."
If he knows about this,that means all these time he knew who I was?! I felt outraged! All these time......all the while I wished he'd know me,he knew me all along! Before he even opened his mouth to reply to what I said I stopped him.
"Does that mean you knew me all along? All these days you came to the coffee shop?",I asked him boldly looking straight into his eyes.
He looked a little bit surprised by my bold question. But soon masked it. Good,I thought. Did he think I would be just intimidated by him all the freaking time so easily?!
"Yes,but I don't see why it matters."
Ouch.
I can't believe he just said it. Hearing him say it makes me realise that's what I am to him. A nobody. I couldn't help but laugh a little. He looked at me weirdly. I don't blame him. I myself would've looked at me weirdly. But I couldn't help it. Again I made a fool out of myself. Of course it doesn't matter.
"Are you okay?",he asked looking just a little bit worried.
Awe...he's worried about me. ME. What am I,a stupid ten year old?
"I'm fine!",I snapped. He clenched his jaw a little. Good to know that I make you mad. I folded my arms and looked at him dead in the eyes. Masking all my emotions. He thinks he's the only one who can do that? Well too bad he's not the only one. While on the inside my feelings are in turmoil I tried my best to not show it outside. I've had enough of this already.
