I Am Not Interested [Francisco Lachowski & Selena Gomez]

Chapter 25

"I'm mentally ill." Lucas said and then kept silent, waiting for me to say something. His fingers tracing along my collarbone. I grabbed his hand and stopped it from moving. I turned my head and looked at him, lowering and lying our hands on top of my stomach. They were playing with each other, intertwining and parting. Both of our eyes focused on them.

"Mentally ill?" Lucas didn't dare to speak and replied with a swift 'mhm'.

"Wow." I didn't know how to react to this new information.

"And? What do you think about that?"

"I think... What I think... It's- I guess I knew, I think?" Lucas stopped his hand from moving and just intertwined our fingers. He looked up at me but I couldn't really see his expression.

"You knew?"

"Yeah, I guess. Deep down I somehow knew that there was something-"

"Something wrong with me." Lucas cut me off and I decided to sit up so I could look at his face.

"Don't say that." I said and Lucas sat up as well. I placed my hand on his shoulder, reaching for his cheek with my thumb.

"There is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with you. You hear me? Nothing!" Lucas nodded unconvinced and just looked down. I tilted my head, feeling sad that he thinks about himself that way.

"Lucas, hey." I softly said and cupped his face, making him look up.

"Hey." I repeated with an even softer voice when I saw his eyes becoming watery. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed his back.

"I didn't- Ugh..." His voice cracked and I just tightened my grip on him.

"It's alright. It's okay." I said and then Lucas pulled away. My heart broke when I saw tear stains under his eyes.

"Oh, Lucas." I said and wiped off his tears.

"I love you just as much as I did before, maybe even more. Thank you that you gave me more. Thank you that you won't fight on your own anymore." I said and caressed his cheeks. Lucas leaned in and put his lips on mine.

"Please don't see me as something broken. I wouldn't be able to manage that." I shook my head as he spoke.

"No, no. Of course I don't see you as broken. The opposite: I don't think I know anyone that is even close to how strong you are." I said and kissed him once again.

"Come here." I said under my breath and hugged him tightly, pecking his neck. Lucas hesitated for a minute, slowly placing his hands on my back. But suddenly he quickly and tightly wrapped his arms around my body, closing the gap between us by pressing me against him. Lucas didn't say a word and I just started to stroke his back in a slow pace. That was the moment his body started shaking and he hid his face in my shoulder, taking deep breaths.

"It's okay Lucas. Everything is okay." I whispered while caressing his back and head. Lucas was crying hardly and when I wanted to pull away in order to look at him he immediately tightened his grip on me, pulling me even closer and rubbed his eyes into my shoulder. I held onto him once again and gripped his shirt. Lucas started to calm down from the shaking and removed one arm from me, reaching for his face. That was when he let go of me. Lucas hid his face with his hand and took a few breaths with the goal to stop his crying.

"Lucas?" I slowly asked. His hand on his face moved downwards, wiping his tears at the same time. When I finally saw his eyes I took his hands and squeezed them with mine softly. I kissed each of his cheeks and our noses rubbed a few times before we slowly connected our lips.