I'm Sorry (boyxboy)

I'm Sorry 2

I'm Sorry 2

Dear Whatever,

I've decided to say 'dear whatever' because writing things like dear diary or dear journal feel overrated to me. So, I'm just going to say dear whatever. I'd say 'dear people' but it's not like anyone is actually going to read you besides myself. After I finish writing this, I'll probably just burn you before I die. No one needs to know my story. It's not exciting. Like Dean Winchester would say "who would want to read about our lives?" Well, who would want to read about my life? It's full of pain and suffering. There is no way out of this labyrinth because there is nothin left to forgive. (Thats right, Looking for Alaska reference.) I've done so much forgiving, I think I'm out of elixir for it. If only they made elixir for forgiveness. Just a little drop here and there.

My mom doesn't know Triton is doing what they did. She doesn't know Triton for who he really is. She's met him before. She came to pick me up from school, it was actually last Friday.

Here's what happened:

"I'm gonna pound your face in so hard while I pound your skanky ass!" Triton growls, punching me in the gut. I gasp in pain, falling to the ground. Triton kneels down in front of me and grabs my wrist. He twists it and I let out a cry of pain. He smirks at me.

"That's right, cry. Cry like the pathetic whore you are." I bite my lip, causing it to bleed. He punches my arm, hard. I yelp and clutch it, the pain stings me harder than a bee. Triton helps me up as a silver car comes into view. I feel happy as I realize it's my mom. I smile and turn away from Triton, but he wrenches me back and whispers in my ear.

"Is that your mommy? Should I fuck you against the hood of her car while she watches so she can see how much of a slut your are?" I bite my lip again, causing it to bleed even more.

"Please, stop." I close my eyes, wishing he would just leave me alone.

"Col, honey what's wrong?" My mom stops by the sidewalk. I hurry to the car, wanting to be as far away from Triton as possible. My eyes widen in horror as Triton smiles at my mom, following me.

"Hello Ms. Lore. I'm Triton, it's a pleasure to meet you." He greets her, holding out his dirty hand(it actually is clean, but its dirty because of what he has used it for.). I watch in terror as my mom smiles in return, taking his hand in hers. They shake.

"It's nice to meet you too Triton, are you perhaps a friend of Col's?" I shake my head, but Triton nods, smiling at her.

"Yes, he is the bestest friend I've ever had. I can go to him for anything." I pale. Anything and everything. I'm too weak to even stand up against him. I wish I was stronger, but no one would care to teach me to stand up for myself. No one would stand up for me.

"Col, you never told me you had such a nice friend." Maybe because he isn't my friend. Did you ever think of that, mom? I wish I could tell her, but Triton would do bad things to me. Things that could send me to the hospital. I don't want to be sent to the hospital. My mom doesn't need to spend more money on me.

"I'm sorry I failed to mention it." I murmur quietly, avoiding Triton's glinting eyes.

"It's fine, why don't we invite him to dinner sometime?" She smiles at him. He smiles back, eyes glinting mischievously. My mom doesn't see it. Mom, open your eyes!

"I'd love to come over for dinner sometime. I can't today though. My dad wants me to help him move something." He glances at me. I swallow, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Maybe Col can invite me for dinner next Tuesday." Mom works that day. Well, actually she works Tuesdays through Fridays. I look at her, hoping she will say no.

"Yeah! I have work that day, but I can leave left overs, or Col can make you something. You guys can hang out and play video games. Right Col?" I hesitantly nod. Of course Col could. Col loves to cook for people he hates. It is his dream to have a career of making douchebags dinner.

"Sure." I mumble. My mom grins brightly. She looks so happy that I have a friend. Why can't she see that he isn't my friend at all? Why can't she see anything? She is blind to all my pain. Or maybe, I'm blind to her feelings. I don't want to think about this. It makes my brain hurt too much.

My mom says goodbye to Triton and drives away from him. Or at least that is how I see it. I sigh in relief and look at my mom. She begins to whistle the tune of a Maroon 5 song. She loves Maroon 5 and any other pop song out there. I lean my head against the window with a sigh. My mom abruptly stops whistling after I sigh. She looks at me.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about this boy?" She asks me wearing her stern look. I mentally groan. Why oh why has my life gone down a steep ski hill? Wait, does that even make sense? To me it does.

"I'm sorry, I suppose it slipped mind." I reply, looking down guiltily. Why should I feel guilty though? It isn't like my mom ever asks me how my day was or how I've been. She doesn't even talk to me unless she is telling me to eat my breakfast.  My mom smiles and shakes her head. Whenever she shakes her head, I sort of feel like I'm a disappointment. I want my mom to be proud, but who could be proud of a whore? Why would she be proud of someone who took away her lover and her other son?

So, that's how it happened. Guess what? Today is Tuesday. I'm royally screwed. My mom has work and I'm going to be all alone in my house with Triton. I might as well shove myself in a deep dark closet of misery with the door locked and throw the key into the deepest body of water in existence so he won't get to me. I'm sick of him practically raping me. It is rape right? Considering I don't want to do it with him? Maybe I should go to the police? Though I've already had trouble with the police because of past sexual abuse, if that is what you call it. I just... They'd probably make fun of me or think I am weak because I've been in rapey situations more than once. Either that or they'd pity me more than a plant that is dying.

My dad and brother for example. How's having a threesome when you're 6 years old and don't even know what sex is? I knew what it was at 5 because that's when my dad started to touch me. I didn't know it was wrong. I felt gross when I turned 13. My mom finally caught them when I was 15 years old. It was in my brothers bedroom. My father was the one inside of me and technically so was my brother, but he was in my mouth. I had told them I didn't want to when I was 14 once and I shouldn't have. It was one of the biggest mistakes. They tied me up... And I was forced to take them both at once. It hurt so... So much. I passed out and woke up with bruises and could barely walk. I hate them so much... So what if life is too short for hatred. Who wouldn't hate them after what they did? Who has a threesome with a six year old? That is just messed up. Ugh, I feel so disgusted right now.

Oh... Look... A drop of water. Salty water that came from my eyes. A tear. I should stop thinking about the past. It's too painful to even think about. I just want out. I want an escape.

This is where my death plot begins. Triton will be over any minute so I'll have I make just a few quick notes. You'll get the details later. I'll come back maybe, either that or you'll wait till tomorrow to hear about it. You're the only one who'll know my story, Whatever. That's what I call you.

Back to death plots. I've thought about hanging myself. Except I don't have anything to hang from. My mom hates having anything on the ceilings. She took out all the lights that had been on the ceiling when we moved in. She even got rid of the ceiling fan that I loved when I was 4. Who cares if Col loves it? It has to go.

I've also thought about shooting myself in the head, but where am I supposed to get a gun? I can't just walk into some gun shop and just be like "yo whatup I got a big cock now give me a gun." I'd probably get shot or most likely kicked out. Shooting myself is out of the story. Besides, sometimes shooting yourself in the head only kills dead brain cells right? I don't know if that is true, it is just something I heard once.

Crap, I think he's here. Maybe if I pretend I'm not home he will go away? Actually, that is a terrible idea. If I do that, tomorrow he will punish me like my dad and brother did. I don't want to be punished. I don't want... I just swallowed back a sob. I need to stop. Thinking about such things only makes me feel even more depressed. It makes me feel stupid for thinking about things like that. I just can't help it...

Anyways, I'll talk to you later Whatever. Keep it real and wish me luck. We'll talk death later. ;)

A/N: Hope his past wasn't too... I don't know.