I'm Sorry (boyxboy)

I'm Sorry 9

I'm Sorry 9

Dear Whatever,

Mergh. I have to go to school again, but guess what? My mom is allowing me to go to a different school. How cool is that? Not that cool, it is school after all. Whoa, cool and school rhyme. The word cool is not so cool anymore. So, what is up Whatever? Keepin' it real? You are awesome. I'm sorry, I am so weird. I had to take therapy earlier. I am still so annoyed with Mr. Xaviae from the other night. He acted the same and we talked about how I feel about going to a new school. I don't really know how I feel about school, you know? The new one anyways. The school I had been going to wasn't exactly fun considering I was too busy trying to stay out of the spotlight to learn anything.

I hope that this new school will be better and that no one will bully me. I don't want to be hurt by another person my age or older. I am sick of all of the hurting I have felt in the past. I think it is time that I start feeling happy for once, you know? I've lived almost my whole life scarred and in pieces. I hope that I will make friends that won't betray me. I used to have a friend in high school. Her name has been Pash.

Pash had been the first one to talk to me. She had seemed really nice, smiling and laughing with me. She made jokes with me and sat at lunch with me. At least she did until Triton made his move. Triton would sit next to me and pull my hair, saying cruel things. He would threaten me. Apparently, when I had to go to the bathroom, Pash met Triton in the hallway and he threatened her. I've read books where friends stayed with their friend even after being threatened. That wasn't all though.

After she stopped hanging out with me, she ended up joining Triton in his taunts. One time at lunch I was eating alone outside and all of the sudden Triton had come up to me calling me names. Pash had appeared behind him. They both started kicking me and after they were done they walked away. Triton's arm was around her shoulders as they walked away. She was smiling at him as they walked away from ear to ear. They're relationship lasted a week until he told her she was boring. She slapped him and transferred schools. I heard he took her virginity and her parents were strict about sex.

I don't know where she went, I haven't seen her since. I wonder if she moved out of town too. Unless her dad killed her because of the fact she had sex before marriage. Nah, her dad isn't a killer. At least, I don't think he was. I met him a couple of times. He knew I preferred guys and didn't seem to mind even though he seemed a bit of a strict kind of religous guy. I guess he wasn't one of the homosexual haters though, which I had been thankful for at the time. He just didn't want his daughter to get an STD or end up on 16 and Pregnant probably.

Who makes those type of shows anyways? It is like cheering on 16 year olds to get pregnant just so they can be on TV. It is ridiculous, at least that is my opinion. I hate shows like that, which is why I do not watch shows like that. I am more for shows like Supernatural, its full of feels after the first season. If you were human, Whatever, I wonder what shows you would like.

I watched a movie the other day. It was called Donnie Darko. I fell in love with the movie. The main character's name was Donnie Darko and he talked to a woman. He saw a giant bunny rabbit named Frank. It was very interesting and I read the reviews. Many say that it is one of those movies that you can't watch just once. I plan on watching it again sometime because of how great it was. If you were a person, we could watch it together. There was a song that played at the end of it. Mad World by Gary Jules. I love the lines:

I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

I wonder how Mr. Xaviae would interpret the movie...

I wonder if I wonder too much. I think that just proved it. I wonder how old Mr. Xaviae really is. I wonder if he would ever like me. Not that I would want him to like me or anything, I am just a curious soul. Haha... Sometimes I really do wish you could talk. You could be my best friend. We would be best friends forever and you wouldn't mind that my past is crappy. You would support me all of the way. Wouldn't you?

Am I random? I think I can be random somtimes. Just asking if I am random makes me random. I am weird sometimes.

I start my new in a couple of days. I have therapy again tomorrow. I will tell you how that goes. I wonder what we will talk about. Sometimes I really hate talking to him. He knows more about me than anyone else on the planet now. That is kind of weird since I met him last week. I've been skipping days when writing in you, I'm sorry about that. Will you forgive me? I bet you would if you were real. I hope I can make a friend who will be like you at the new school. I would love to have a friend like you.

If I do make a friend like you, I won't leave you. I will still write to you. Cause no matter how busy I get, I will use what free time I have to write you. I've had you for a while, I just never wrote in you before because honestly, I didn't know what to write, ya know? Now, I know what to write. I write all of my thoughts and feelings down and tell you all kinds of things as if you were my best friend. No, you are my best friend. I will protect you with my life.

I meant that by the way.

You better feel special.

Should I ask my mom for a cat? I feel alone when I'm home alone, like right now. I am home alone writing in my journal because I finished the last book I hadn't read that was residing on my shelf. Maybe I should go out and buy myself a new book. I think I will do that. I have some money.

I shall write you later, peace out Whatever.