Electric Moonlight Shuffle

15. Kiss the Girl

I am kneeling in the middle of a four-poster bed. Heavy velvet curtains hang around the bed, from four mahogany posts. Blood splatters the comforter and curtains. Three different cameras peer in, through gaps in the curtains. It's private and intimate, but weirdly public. I feel like I have this whole corner of the universe to myself, and simultaneously like I'm on display.

King Duncan, AKA, Jason Moon has his head on my lap. Vampire-MacBeth-Jamie kneels beside me.

I stare into Jamie's eyes.

"Look at him like he's the only person in the room," says the main camerawoman. "Like he's the only person you could ever love."

"Look at him like you look at Jason," says Joe, from offstage.

"Quiet on set," says Tanner.

I refocus on Jamie. Okay. But I don't at him like I look at Jason. I look at him like I look at Jamie. Like I've looked at Jamie for my entire life. Sweet, sweet Jamie.

Jamie's black-painted lips curl into a crooked smile. The same crooked smile that has held me down, that has anchored me, for my entire life. That has been there for me. That smile I have seen every day for the past 12 years.

Something happens.

In the dark, in the curtains, alone but on display, something happens.

My stomach flutters. This is different from the whatever-the-fuck-is-going-on-with-Jason-Moon fluttering that feels like nausea and anxiety more than anything else. This is the feeling of creeping over the top of a roller coaster and knowing you're about to plummet eight billion feet faster than you've ever plummeted before, but you know you're going to shoot back up, into the stars, and you're going to be safe, to be okay.

Jamie Verona has me breathless.

I smile too.

"Perfect," says the camerawoman, "Just like that."

This is crazy. I've done a million stage kisses with Jamie Verona, and I've felt absolutely nothing. Like kissing a wall. Nothing like this has ever happened before.

But. Open your heart, and the magic floods in.

Is he looking at me differently too?

No, that must just be my imagination. Yes, it's got to be my imagination. Jamie's eyes look the same as always, but somehow different—deeper.

We're acting, I remind myself. He's acting. He's probably imagining Sage.

Now the lights go dim.

I can't hear anything.

I don't even hear the camerawoman telling me what to do. I know she says something, but it's muted.

I don't even feel Jason's head on my lap.

All the world falls away.

It's just me and Jamie, kneeling together on the floor, gazing at each other like it's the most natural thing in the world—because it is the most natural thing in the world.

We could unhinge from the world and float off into the cosmos right now, fingers intertwined, and be happy. Floating together in the vacuum of space, the amniotic ether, drifting past all the planets, glittering like buttons. Anchored only to one another.

We could be anywhere in the world and it wouldn't matter because here, in Jamie's eyes, is my home. We could—

"CUT!"

All of a sudden, the harsh lights flip on.

I blink, refocus, return to reality.

Jason's head leaves my lap, as he sits up. I can't look at Jason—I feel somehow guilty.

"Perfect," says Tanner, "For the next shot, Wren, I want you to reach up, take his neck, bring him close enough to kiss, then hold. Then kiss. Count to three. Then pull away and look at him again, just like that."

Are you motherfucking kidding me, Tanner?

"Got it," I say, amazed my words aren't a stammer.

"You okay?" Jamie mouths.

I nod. "I got this."

Jason returns his heavy head to my lap.

The lights dim.

I look at Jamie.

"ACTION!"

I stare at Jamie exactly as I had before. The rollercoaster feeling returns. I expect to be more terrified than I am.

I lean in, reach out to touch Jamie's neck.

My fingers spark electric.

Can he feel my fingers shaking?

He quivers.

I lean in, brush my lips to against his neck, close enough to feel the peachfuzz.

My fingers trail down his neck.

I break eye contact for half a second.

His hand grabs mine.

I look back into his eyes.

I lean in.

We both close our eyes.

I press my lips against his.

Imagine the roller-coaster but more. I want to touch his hair, touch his sides, touch everything about him, but I can't, which somehow makes the feeling more intense.

Oops, I forgot to count!

I pull away, hold my gaze locked on Jamie's eyes. We sit like that for another breathtaking eternity.

Until Tanner yells CUT and our eternity ends.

The lights come on, but we're still looking at each other.

We giggle.

"Are you okay?" I ask Jamie.

Jamie shakes his head and nods at the same time. Snorts a little laugh. "I'm—"

"Amazing," says Tanner, clapping. "Brilliant stuff. Just remember to count to three, not a thirty-three, okay?" He laughs. "Two more takes, guys, and we'll call it a wrap."

"Afuckingmazing," says Jason. His head come down hard on my lap.