My name is Thirty Four, I am two and a half seven year old children tall, I live in a suburban countryside, I am 12418 days old, my hobbies are porn and watching tv (more porn), I live in a small mansion as a family of three times one, me myself and I, I work in school as a book marker, I'm a book marker because the school is so rich it pays people to hold their point fingers in a book so they don't lose the page that they're on, it creates jobs for the enviroment.
One day while I was work I was attack by a wasps, my face started to hurted alot, I thought is this going to be the beginning, I started to crying alot before I known it my faced is going to be all wet. Suddenly adrenaline rushed to my toenails, it made me jump, I jumped so high that I landed on the ground.
After I returned home, I started to watch tv, while I was watching I felt a hard bulge in my pants................................................................................................it was my phone, I took it out of my pocket and realised I had received a message from the worlds slighty dangerous man, frightened I ran to the pet store and bought a goldfish, I though that in this extreme case of the threat of an attack by the worlds slightly most dangerous man that the goldfish might bark at him and scare him away. I returned home.
An hour later there was a knock on the door, I opened the door it was........... The pizza delivery boy who'd come to steal some money of me for a free pizza, I gave him the money since I had more important things to worry about, another hour later there was another knock on the door, it was the worlds slightly dangerous man, he said to me "Come to the pub I'll buy you a pint and we'll politely discuss our problems", I looked him dead in the eyes and said " fuck you you fucking fat floppy flamboyant flapjack" then apoligised for swearing, before he could say anything I threw my goldfish at him, it hit him right between the eyes, he was deaded, the goldfish said "you're in trouble then called the police. When the police arrived they knocked on the door, I opened the door told them there was no one home, then they left.
TO BE CONTINUED
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