Unexpected Marriage - Miraculous crackfic oneshot

Lettuce

Sweet dew oozed off the soft leafy surface. The perfect combination of ingredients infused with the sweet, sticky residue of the fresh morning air lingering over the salad bowl was all Ladybug needed to wake her up that morning.

"I LOVE LETTCUE SO MUCH!" Ladybug exclaimed, knowing that her love for lettuce was so much more than her love for Adrien. Nothing, and she meant nothing, could beat the crisp, watery texture of the green leaves that gave her so much pleasure.

Chat Noir gave her a side glance, pouting just a touch. Seeing that she loved lettuce more than him always made his heart sink further than the titanic. And yea, he did just make that mental comparison.

"Well gosh diddly darn, go marry it then." Chat Noir said sulking about her sudden obsession over the salad.

"Wait..." Ladybug jolted up, almost spilling the salad that sat on her lap, "that's exactly what Ill do. OH MAN. HOLY-"

"LADYBUG THIS IS A KIDS SHOW CONTROL YOURSELF!" Chat Noir shouted over the top of her loud cursing. He had been disappointed when he found out that she was only keeping a pure front because their lives were being filmed. Outside of them being filmed and stalked, she would start a string of filthy words, often being explicit... in more than one way. He wasn't sure where that tendency had come from, but he was certainly not proud of the way that she acted.

"Shi-"

"LADYBUG. STOP." He had had enough of her constant cursing and explicit descriptions of what she was going to do that night. Shuddering at the thought, Chat continued to continue the conversation by flirting with her. Did he really love her? To begin with. Not anymore. He only kept up the façade to please everyone and give them something to ship. Yea, it was a sad life for the poor cat.

"This cat right here is the only cat you should be purring over," Chat Noir taunted, staring into her eyes, praying that she would follow along.

"Silly kitty, don't waste your time on me."

A flick of his bell was all he needed to know that she was going to ignore the entire conversation that had just gone on between them. He sighed and stood up, grinning at the fact that she was so obedient when it came to his ques.

"Alright then, I'll be off. We defeated the Akuma so... see ya."

With that, the cat was off, jumping along the rooftops, disappearing into the morning air.

Ladybug turned back to her lettuce, stuffing the sweetness into her mouth, piece by piece. The dressing on the lettuce made her eyes tear up. The flavour of the lettuce really had her cartwheeling all over Paris.

~♡~

"Sign here, here and here." The tall man with a study jaw pointed to the blank spots on the form.

Gladly, Marinette signed the forms as fast as she could. Finally, she could marry the lettuce of her dreams. The beautiful, one and only, iceberg lettuce.

"There, all done. You are now legally able to marry your iceberg lettuce. I hope you two have a happy marriage."

"Thank you!" Marinette exclaimed, picking up her fiancé and carrying it out of the door.

She had all of the wedding details planned out. She was so excited to be wearing a dress made entirely of lettuce. The green elaborate dress was going to cover her body in a slim fit, a lettuce veil dragging down to the floor. Of course, the dress was to be freshly picked and crafted the day of the wedding, but that was only a small task for the aspiring fashion designer. She planned to use lettuce as inspiration in all of her designs after she got married to the object that was in her hands.