Obscured Tale of Delilah Sy

Cold

Chapter 4

Cold 

"Let's go, Louie." I said watching at Mrs. Stanford's grave.

This is my new routine everyday, following Louie in this cemetery.

"Why are you still even here?"  He asked with an angry tone and a cracked voice; his eyes were puffy.

"Because it's hard to see you like this." I hesitated to answer but I did it anyway. I should have said this "because I care for you and I love you so much that it pains me every time I see you like this".

"Don't bother yourself, I am not your responsibility."

I touched his hands but he shove it away. I was ashamed, he became cold towards me after his grandma's death. I don't understand him, he is not the Louie that I know anymore. He keeps on pushing me away and telling me that he does not need me. But I won't allow him to be fully broken though I know he is starting to fall apart. I know he is fragile just like me.

"I can't stop worrying about you." I started to cry, he looked at me.

"What is your deal? What is your problem? Don't you have a life?" He shouted at me, I thought I would be deaf of how hard he screamed in front of me.

"You are my problem! You have always been my problem!"

"If I am your problem then you should have stop this bullshit! Stop being around me! You are just nothing to me now, I can't stand looking at your face!"

"WOW! After everything you had done to me, everything you made me feel, now it does not matter to you anymore? I know you are hurt and broken! But it hurts to see the man I love like this, I love you." I cried out, I just can't take it anymore.

"Sorry, but I want to be alone." He said and walked away, leaving me desperate. I said it, I just told him that I love him. I am a funny thing, I knelt down in front of his grandma's tomb and cried the whole time.

I do no not know what to do anymore, I am so tired.

Time flies so fast, and now it's winter. My favorite season of the year.

Today is 24th of December and I had bought a gift to Louie and I wrapped it inside a box.

Steven is barking noisily.

"Oh hello Steven! This is for you my little dogie, Merry Christmas!" I gave him a scarf, I sewed it for him. I just think that this would suit him. Black is beautiful, it fits him cause he have a soft white fur. He looks so cute, one of the cutest dog in the world. 

It's 8:30 in the evening and I am still outside at Louie's house, last 4 years I always spent my Christmas with them. I brought with me one turkey and wine and some presents. I am hesitating if I should ring the bell but the door suddenly opened for me.

"Oh, I thought you will not be coming Delilah, we are all waiting for you, come on and join us." Mrs. Bethany said, Louie's mom; she get all my things inside by the help of her husband, Mr. Troy.

"Louie! Come and get your ass out of your bed right now! Your friend is here!" Louie's mother shouted, then I heard his footsteps coming downstairs.

He still looks good even with his hair mess. He just smiled at me plainly, nothing special.

I said hi but he just nodded. He is still cold, cold as an ice.

We are all dined in the table and I sipped the lemon juice to burn the anxiety that I am feeling, still there is no use. His parents were talking to me but he stayed silent. I can't take this feeling, I felt that I would break down anytime soon if he won't talk to me. I hate him for making me feel this way.

I hate him for making me fall in love with him deeply. It feels like yesterday we were so happy, he even kissed me under that beautiful fireworks, carved our initials in that big tree downhill and now?

The feelings he gave me are strange, it feels like it was just nothing for him, that it never happened. I gave him some space, gave him some time to think, I gave him 2 months to mourn. I gave him those days, weeks and months because I believe that he needs it, but maybe I was wrong. I felt crazy and empty again. Why is he doing all those things to me?

Why is he so selfish? I told myself.

"Are you okay Delilah?" Asked Mr. Troy.

"Oh yeah, please excuse me, I have to use the bathroom for awhile." I stood up and went to the bathroom. I washed my face, I rubbed my eyes. They can't fall, not now. I don't want them to see that I am weak. If this is the best thing to do, then I will fake myself just for now.

I smiled, looking at my reflection in the mirror where my tears won't stop falling.

I went back and noticed that Louie was not there anymore.

"Are you finding Louie?"  His mother asked, I just nodded at her.

"He is outside, I think he seems to miss his grandma again, go and talk to him Delilah." I smiled and thanked her.

I saw him making snow balls and throwing it anywhere he wants. He seems so sad again, his mom is right. He became so lifeless, such an awful word. It does not suit his image, describing him as lifeless, he is too bright to be dead.

I stepped one step towards him, counting every little steps I take to reached him but I was shocked to see a girl that is walking into his direction. She sat beside him and my world turn apart. Just like that. Like a storm and thunders collide.

They just kissed.

They kissed like how we kissed before, like how our lips intertwined with each other. My heart breaks into half and I do not know where the other half goes. It's breaking me and killing me. I fear death but I think I am nearly meeting death now.

I ran away, away from them, away from everything that is causing me pain. Away from Louie.

It is breaking me to see him kissed another woman, it pains me to know that I don't deserve his love. All this time, he is not in love in me, all this time, I am making myself a fool and believing that we could be together, forever. Though it is really impossible for our worlds to become one.

I am way too different from that girl he is kissing right now. How pathetic I am to believe that he loves me too, I am just a best friend. 

In the middle of this busy city streets, all are having there own Christmas celebration, while I am standing, seeing everybody happy, it makes me feel awful. I cried and cried until I can't see the things that are in my way. I bumped a lot people and I just keep on saying sorry. Some were cursing at me, telling me crazy stuffs and that I should just stay at home because I look like a shit. I knelt down in the middle of the street, cars were beeping their horns at me and people were shouting at the top of their lungs just to curse me.

"HEY KID! DO YOU WANT TO BE KILLED! STAY AWAY AND GO HOME!"

But those words, slowly fades in my ears. I can't hear them properly, I just stared at these people surrounding me, shivering. Help me Dad! I am helpless. Help me.

Then finally, I felt someone grabbed my wrist and hugged me, buried my face on his chest. I guess it's a man, cause it has a broad shoulders and a masculine body and he is warm, the next thing that happened is that I suddenly passed out.