Obscured Tale of Delilah Sy

Good bye

Chapter 7

Good bye

I woke up with a glimpse of the sun shining into my face, it's terrible to see how the sun shines when you are in deep sorrow last night. My nightmares kept haunting me again and I can't sleep. I gave Louie a terrible night, I am too noisy in the bed. He hold and hugged me tight, and kissed me all over again and telling me that he is with me and that he will not go anywhere. He kept on reminding me that he loves me.

I saw him prepared breakfast and approached him.

"Louie, about what happened last night. I am sorry. I just can't help it." I cried out again. He comforted me with a hug.

"Relax, it is fine Delilah." I was sitting on a chair in the kitchen and he was kneeling in front of me. I kissed him before I speak the words that I know that will surely break his heart. I don't want him to be involved with this. I don't want to be his wife that doubts every inch of myself, and I have to fix my life. I need to search for the pieces and what is left behind.

He stared at me and asked me a question.

"Tell me, what should I do to make you feel better?"

"You don't have to do anything." I release a heavy breath.

"Louie, I have made my decision." he stared at me for a while, trying to search for the right answers to response.

"Decision?." he asked with a confusing expression.

"Louie, do you still remember the first time we met each other? Do you still remember our first fight when I almost broke my leg  because I wanted to jumped off on the mango tree alone because I don't want you near me but then you asked me to forgive you. You held my hand and I know from that day you already stole my heart. I never thought that I would be falling in love with your dark beautiful eyes, with your curved-thin lips and your sense of humor. I never imagined that you would be listening to me right now, holding me, and kissing me. I thought this was all an illusion and as I wake up every morning, I always see your smiling face. You are the reason why I am still fighting and living my life, because you made me beautiful."

He just listened to every words I said. I saw his tears fell from his cheeks.

"For all the times that you always visited me, thank you so much for making me feel that I am worth to love. You were the only person who cared when I am feeling down and who would ask if I'm okay, well Mrs. Stanford too, she is so kind and beautiful, oh my. I missed her so much." I paused and I tried to stop my tears to fall.

"You never stop making me smile, you never stop talking nonsense things to me, you were so pushy in a way that it made you really very cute. You are my Louie and I want to protect you from the things that will be hurt you in the future. So I have decided, to let go of us--" he cut me off, then he stood up and scratched his head.

"WHAT? You are leaving?" He became hysterical.

"Shh let me finish, please, listen to me."

"How can you say all of those things! This is bullshit Delilah, I told you I will not be leaving you but now you will leave me? What is the matter with you? Am I not enough?  Did I do something wrong again? Come on tell me, you don't have to be so hard on yourself." He said angrily.

"Just let me finish, I thought you would understand."

"How will I supposed to understand you? TELL ME? What part of your statement do I have to understand?"

"I, I just don't want you to get involved with all this mess that I am in."

"Damn, this is making me insane. Why do you need to leave me? Everything is okay, alright? Let's live peacefully, make a family, start over again. That is the only important thing right?"

I shook my head in rejection.

"I can't stand watching you get tired of me everyday, Louie, I am getting worst. I need to leave not because I don't love you but because I want to save you from all these distress."

"I am not stressed with you and I won't get tired of you, I am alright, I am totally fine. This is not about me, this is about you!"

"Yes, exactly! This is about me Louie, I need to find my parents, I need answers! I need them because right now, I am totally confuse, I don't know what to do, and I know this upcoming days that will pass by, I'll get worst even more, I am going insane, do you even understand that? You can't control me anymore and I don't want you to see me insane. I have to leave this place with you, but it does not mean I don't love you anymore, you would always and forever be in my heart and in my mind."

He ignored me me but I hugged him feeling his sweat on his shirt, his heart beat so fast and I know it aches just like how my heart throbs. 

"I need to know everything Louie, I have to do this, I don't want to go and leave this place with out telling you goodbye, I don't want to write letters cause I'm not good in writing. That is why I choose to talk to you, I choose the hard way because this is the best. You may be hurting now but I know for sure everything will be alright. I promise. I will be back. I will be back and we could stay together again."

"I understand, I am sorry if I became so selfish about you not leaving. I am just scared, I am scared you will not be going back." I wiped his tears away.

"I will come back, I promise and one day I will no longer hide all of these pain with you, everything will be okay. I will be fine, don't you worry. I needed to be free, I have to do this."

"I hope you'll find the answers you are longing for." 

"Thank you and I know I will." We kissed again, for the very last time. His soft lips pressed against mine, I know I won't be kissing him again for over a year or maybe for years. I don't know. I don't know the possible outcomes that might happen to me as soon as I see my parents again. Will they welcome me with a big hug or the other way around? Scared as hell because they are supposed to kill me when I was still a baby.

I kissed and hugged Steven so tenderly and for the first time I saw tears in his eyes. Ow, this cute little buddy really made me cry the whole day. It hurts me so much to leave both of them.

Louie walked me at the central highway and he let me ride a cab, he did not say anything but he just kissed me instead. It is better this way. Silence is the best way to keep the pain steady. I just wished he will not be crying overnight because of me.

I was inside the cab, I watch Louie's hands in the air and slowly he fades away. I have a terrible feeling that maybe I should just go back and just really stay with him, there is a part of me telling me to stop the car and go back because I know someone is going to miss me. I know I can't go back and there is this feeling inside me to keep going and be tough, my urge to find the right answers of myself. I told myself to just go on and to stop looking back. I need to find out if they really killed Mrs. Stanford, because if they did, I don't know how to accept it, I don't know what might happened when Louie finds out about this.

I opened my bag and get the wooden box, opened it, I get the piece of paper with the lists of names that will be killed by my parents. I saw Mrs. Standford's name in the 20th list (20. Edeline Belle Standford) . I touched it with my fingers and a tear fell from it. Why do they have to kill people? She is such an innocent person, what have she done to my parents? WHY? Questions, a lot of questions are running into my head and I wanted to know all of the answers now. I am going insane, for real.

I love Louie, I am doing this because he means a lot to me, I don't want to be a burden because I am already a mess and I am in a miserable situation. I don't want him to pity me. I got enough of this shits that these problems have brought into my life. I don' want him to hate me because I am the daughter who killed his  grandmother.  

I just wanted to start anew with him and not to anyone else. Louie is exceptional. He is already part of me and I cannot change that. Half of my soul is with him. He has taken it away from me so I have to be strong. I will be back Louie, I promise.