𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍 & 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒 | ❝You want to eat everyone you see and I don't want to eat at all. Sounds to me like we'd be great friends.❞
In which an anorexic girl believed losing was the only way to win the game. Or, alternatively, Rory Swan's road to re...
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A letter...
SOMETIMES I FELT ALONE.
Scratch that—A lot of the time I felt alone.
Years and years of my life were dedicated to loneliness, to blindness in a sea of infinite darkness. With a mother who was never too open-minded, a father who lived in constant fear, and a little sister who tried to understand without actually understanding anything about my state of mind... it was easy to get side-tracked in an abstract atmosphere of loneliness. I say abstract because although I had some people in my life, I never felt more alone in my life.
Between befriending the doctor who was supposed to "cure" me of my depression and my anorexia and sacrificing my life for reasons that were beyond me, I'd say the only part that was really worth it was you.
You always knew how to bring a smile to my face, even when it felt as though the world was pulling me further and further into my own personal hell. You always knew how to push me to be the best version of myself, even when I didn't know what that version was. You always offered a listening ear, whether that was to hear me rant or crack jokes because I've never really had an actual coping mechanism that wasn't humor-related. You always looked at me more than what I showed the world. You always saw me as something—someone more than skin and bones.
And I thank you. I thank you for all of it. I thank you for being my own personal flashlight. I thank you for trying. I thank you for not giving up on me when I was ready to call it quits. From dusk until dawn, from the break of dawn until twilight, you have shown me to always look forward... to tomorrow, to hearing your life, to hearing you say my name, to the eclipse when it finally passes, to simply anything. Thank you.
Don't get me wrong, you didn't cure me of my issues with my mental health. Not one person can cure me, but myself. Frankly, I am the only person who can take charge of my own life—not you or anyone else.... only me. I had to learn that the hard way. Hell, even dying didn't help me learn this. No force of nature, no being, no person, no one could show me the way to recovery except for myself. That is one of the most important lessons I learned in the midst of the constant chaos that has become my life.
So you may be wondering what the point of this letter is... and if you weren't then, then I assume you are now.
When you feel alone, I want you to close your eyes. I want you to picture something that makes you happy. For me, it's you...the sound of the birds chirping...the smell of nature...the feeling of the warm sun kissing my skin...and so much more. Imagine something that makes you happy. Internalize that feeling. That should be the feeling you should strive to bask in every single day for the rest of your life. To achieve that feeling should be your ultimate goal at the end of the day.
I can't tell you how to be happy. No one can. I could sit here quoting various authors and song lyrics. I could write out the chords to my favorite melody. I could draw you a picture. I could do so many things, but I can't tell you how to be happy.
The only person who can do that is you. You are the writer of your own story. You are the leading force of your life. You are the only one who can take back your life.
Trust me, when you learn to follow the sun, when you learn that the rules don't apply to you, when you take back your own life... you'll realize one thing and one thing only.
Maybe spending so much time in the dark was worth it after all.
All my love and more, Rory Hale.
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THE END
- - -
a/n.
holy shit it's done.
i spent days trying to figure out how exactly i was going to write this final epilogue. i felt that writing a letter was the best way i would be able to deliver my final message to you, the reader.
when writing an epilogue, i find it best that in contrast to writing an entire story in third person, tying up a story by writing in your main character's point of you gives the reader the most satisfaction. you get to realize what's going on in their head, how they're really feeling. it just feels better, especially in a story like this, hearing how the main character feels at the end of this story.
my final question to you readers is: who was the person rory was addressing in her letter?
was it jasper? was it her father or bella? was it renee? was it renesmee? was it carlisle or any of the other cullens? was it stella or irene? was it to her mental illnesses? was it her future self? was it herself from the past? was it perhaps to you readers?
i didn't want to make the end of this story definite. there are still tons of things this story didn't address. for example, did alice and stella end up together after everything? did rory and renee patch up their relationship? did rory learn to get a proper handle on her blood-thirst for renesmee? is rory's mental health completely fixed now? will rory ever figure out how to manipulate time (lol)?
there are so many questions left unanswered and i did that for a reason.
rory's story isn't finished. no, there won't be a sequel to this, as i've written four books in one hehe. she will continue to live on in this world i've adapted from stephanie meyer's. she will continue to grow as an individual and do us all proud. i love rory so so much and writing her story has been a dream.
i was scared that people would bash this because they may think i'm romanticizing depression and anorexia, but it warms my heart seeing how empathetic and understanding all of you are, as i've written this story while interlacing my own experiences with both into rory's character.
i'm sorry if i've left any of you unsatisfied with the jasper x rory action throughout this story. i didn't want to take away from the fact that rory is an individual who just happens to be jasper's mate. i love them so much and i've loved writing them together.
thank you once more for all of your love and support. it means the world.
comment what you guys think, i'm dying to know :)
one last time, thank you for reading and supporting this story. i am always here if anyone wants to talk about anything, especially if anyone feels alone and needs someone to chat to.
