Personal (rants, rambles, etc)

Coming Out.

Hi, my name's Raphael, and I'm bi. (and i never learned how to fcking read)

now bisexuality means a lot of things to different people, but to me, it kinda always meant that i was attracted to 2 groups: my gender (male), and other gender(s) (including non-binary). ALSO, THIS IS MY DEFINITION FOR MY OWN SEXUALITY AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH IT, FITE ME.

i tried to "convince" myself that i was straight for the longest time, but holy fuck that was a

for me, it's hard being bisexual, mostly because it's hard being a POC and LGBT. You're like the combination that republicans REALLY don't want, like banana and Sprite. Also, my parents aren't the most open-minded, so it's pretty tough trying to explain to them things. Luckily, I've come to acquire a good group of friends that accept me, or at least try to. I've done dabble, mom, i'm sorry, visit me in hell though, i'm sure there's some good transportation in the afterlife.

i remember the first time i realized i wasn't straight, and tbh, it's pretty funny. me and my friends were playing football in the middle school field (that we honestly could have sworn was built on top of a cemetery), and i had the ball, and got the fucking wind knocked out of me. so i'm laying around the ground, trying not to curl up and die, when the guy who tackled me into another dimension looks down on me and helps me up, and frowns a bit and asks if i'm okay. and i honestly wanted to just bury myself in the ground because i could tell i was blushing hella bad.

so i go home, and do in fact cry like a bitch, and *praying intensifies* for like a whole afternoon.

i later came out to those friends about a year ago, and they don't really care, and i didn't think they would've anyways.

i sorta realized that the biggest opponent of me accepting myself was me. i couldn't let myself be anything that i couldn't see my parents as not being proud of, and being bi was one of those things. it stressed me night and day, until i eventually became some paranoid of my parents even thinking about me being "half of the gay" that i stayed up for days

but now, i just don't really care too much about it, sometimes i get a bit self-conscious about it and want to be sucked into a black hole, but other than that...i think i'm okay.

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Alright, thank you guys for reading this, it's kinda nice being back in the groove of writing my feelings down because god knows i get mad when people don't understand when i don't even tell them how i'm feeling, like an idiot. but, i'll be updating this again with another chapter soon, either today or tomorrow, so yeah...here's a picture of really funny parody of those word-learning kid books we got in 1st grade, and i honestly can't stop screaming at it