Code Red >> l.h. au

january 27 ; quinn

you guys I seriously don't mean to make these a month apart I just hit a random end number

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"Okay guys. I'm so glad I could finally get you all together. Who wants to go first?" Michelle asks and we all roll our eyes. I sank farther down in my seat, looking over at Micheal. His eyes were previously shooting daggers at Michelle before he looks over at me. I raise my eyebrows and a familiar smirk finds its way onto my face. He shakes his head no and I snort. Immediately, everyone turns to look at me. My nostrils flare and I look up at the ceiling. "Quinn. Is there something you'd like to share with the group?" Michelle asks with a hopeful smile.

"Sure. You all, with the exception of Mikey and Cal, can go fuck yourselves." I mutter and then squeeze my eyes shut, regretting the words I just said.

"Oh so the first words you say in a month are 'you all can go fuck yourselves'? What the hell is wrong with you, Q?" Aaron yells, throwing his hands up in the air. I wince when he calls me Q. No one except... except Ian called me that.

"Actually, her first words were 'Sure, you all with the exception of Mikey and Cal..." Calum interjects, but no one pays attention to him.

"Oh fuck you Aaron! I wish you had never pulled my out of that god forsaken place. You should've let me die!" I scream back, sitting up straight.

"Don't you dare say that Quinn Elizabeth Evans! Don't you dare say those words ever again." He barks and jumps out of his seat. Luke reaches out to comfort me, but I slap his hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me, Luke. Aaron, I can say whatever the fuck I want to say. You saved me. I love you, god I love you so much but you shouldn't have done that. You could have save Ian or Chels or someone else. You waisted your time. I don't want to be here. I wish I was dead." I reply, my voice barely a whisper by the end. My last statement makes Aaron sit down, his face sinking. Luke looks at me with an extremely hurt look on his face, though I can't tell what words caused it. I slouch down again and Mikey sighs, his hand in his face. No one speaks for a few minutes, so the room fills with a semi awkward silence.

"Quinn. Quinn please don't say that. We don't want to hear you say that. We don't want you to be in pain." Calum says and folds his arms. Cal does that a lot now. It seems to have become his nervous habit. He elbows Ash, who takes out his earbuds. I look around the circle of my remaining friends, and my heart breaks. Chelsea and I should be going out for our annual 'New Year, New You' shopping spree. Ian and Luke should be playing soccer out on the rec fields. Calum should be out there with them as a matter of fact. Mikey should be cooped up in his room, FaceTiming me while we eat pizza and talk about the latest town gossip. Chels and Ash should be planning for prom. Chelsea had been dreaming of senior prom since she was 7. Now she was sitting in a casket in the Castle Rock cemetery, six feet under dirt and ice and snow.

Why should I be here? Why me? Why didn't they get to live? Those were the questions lingering in everyone's mind, whether they admitted it or not. I know for certain those were the questions I thought of every morning. No matter what I was doing, those questions were just lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for me to stumble across something that would make me think of them. While I ate pity pasta and pity cake and all the other pity food, those questions bounced around. While I took my online classes, the questions distracted me from my work. I couldn't avoid them. They were everywhere.

"Well Quinn. Though those were not the words I was hoping to hear, they are in fact words. We're making progress. I'm going to go grab some snacks. You guys sit tight." Michelle said, clapping her hands together and standing up. As soon as she walked out of the room, we all assumed new positions. Luke stood up and began to pace along the far wall. Michael pulled out his phone and started doing who knows what. Cal and Ashton went to calm down Luke. Aaron got out of his chair and moved to the one Luke had been sitting in.