Gangnam Ronpa: Shitpost Happy Havoc

CHAPTER 2: It's Not Gay If You Say No Homo First

Mondo seemed down for the next few hours. Not even tissues could cheer up his deflated, gloomy penis.

"Mondo," Asahina sobbed, "Why did you come in my doughnuts?"

Mondo hid his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Asahina..."

As the Ultimate Asian, I knew something had to be done. Something.... Gay.

I spent an hour in the MPR, meditating with Sakura and waiting for the spirit of the homosexual terrorist to fill the talentless void inside of me. Yet, all it made me do is have to shit really badly.

"Naegi," Sakura shook her head. "What do you intend to do, by meditating here?"

"I want to become stronger," I lied.

"DID SOMEONE SAY STRONGER?" Chihiro squealed, running into the room and hitting her head on the bleachers.

"Fuck, she's dead," I sighed. "That's... More pictures to delete."

"Stop that," Sakura scolded. "That joke is getting old."

We went over to examine Chihiro's body, and learned that she wasn't dead, just asleep. She seemed to have spilt pepto bismol on her face. I took a deep breath, thank god she wasn't dead.

"Let us take our classmate to the all-knowing lesbian," Sakura bowed, carrying Chihiro in her arms.

As we walked to Asahina's dorm, I began to wonder about Sakura's form. Was she truly addicted to steroids? Or perhaps, was she a god walking among us? These questions taunted me.

Finally, we entered Asahina's room. The sign "HDNSHDH, if you dare..." haunted me. What did it mean?

The door creaked slowly. Asahina was covered head to toe in protein powder. "Ready to get buff, Sakur--- oh. You... brought company."

Sakura blocked the door, covering us from seeing the Ultimate Lesbian's bare body. "The other ritual, Hina."

Sakura's muscular tits were harder than Leon Kuwata's baseball bat when he spotted a hoe, a hoe, a hoe, a hoe. Her nipple grazed against my face, causing my skin to tear open and bleed.

"ALRIGHT!" Asahina screamed. "I'M READY, BITCHES!!!"

When I entered the lair, I immediately felt unwelcome. The aura, contrasting my presence, was similar to that of the number 48 to Sayaka Maizono.

11 and 37 would always remain in the friendzone... as long as 0 was around. That damn 0.... round, fat, standing between me and Maizono..... Damn you, Hifumi Yamada!!! Damn you!

"Lay down the girl," Asahina boomed. "Lay down.... Gorl...."

Sakura did as she was told, laying Chihiro's body onto the sacred pile of empty Krispy Kreme boxes. Asahina's eyes widened as the boxes came crumbling down, Chihiro's body rolling to the side. In the empty space under those boxes, Asahina noticed a single doughnut.

"The... Nut..."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The.... Nut....." Asahina chanted. "The nut, the nut, the nut, the nut, the nut, the nut..."

"What does it mean, Almighty Sappho?" Sakura gasped.

"JSKKSBSJSB," Asahina frowned. "Or... As you would say..."